Sabtu, Disember 29, 2007

summer's words from Christine

Dear Shah,

Thank you for the short story: I will read it shortly. I have also finally downloaded the attachment you sent about supervisors. I can't do it from my laptop inside but I have done it now in the "study." There are many useful tips there. Hot here also. Fortunately, we are air conditioned because I have been cooking and cleaning today. Some of my old school chums, teachers with me from 1975 to 1983, are coming tomorrow for a small celebration. We meet three or four times a year and all have children about the same age. It is good to relax and chat with friends.

Yesterday, Val, Alex, Sam and I went to see "The Golden Compass." I was disappointed. It is nowhere near as satisfying as the books. The script is pretty awful, although the mise-en-scene is rather lush. None of the characters were well rounded, nor did they grip my heart. Some nice special effects and some terrible repetitious ones. It's a pity Miyazaki Hayao did not get a hold of the rights and animate the story. That would have been stupendous. Phillip Pullman's polyvalent trilogy could be done justice to in anime. However, we did have gourmet woodoven pizzas beforehand in O'Connell Street -- very tasty. We've eaten lots of icecream to counter the heat, not durian, though. My favourite is vanilla.

Cheers, Christine

Rabu, Disember 26, 2007

The Famous Five

Dear Shah,

I probably learnt to read on Enid Blyton. When I was at primary school in Nairobi libraries were non-existent. I remember a "collection" of books contributed by parents and friends from various sources, to keep children busy when set work was done. "Five at Smugglers' Top" was my first chapter book and I smuggled it home and finished it under the bed covers with the aid of a torch. Subsequently I discovered the kids next door (a family with five or six children), had most of the author's books. I begged and pleaded to borrow them, until I had read them all. Both my brother and I adored Enid Blyton.
I also used to devour my brother's "Biggles" books, about the ace World War pilot and his adventures. These days the 'political correctness' of such stuff is suspect, but I didn't care. Appalling maybe, but such fun reading, like the "Harry Potter" books. I read all of Enid Blyton's books to Sam when he was small. Both Sam and Alex also enjoyed Arthur Ransome's "Swallows and Amazons" series, about the adventure involved in messing about with sailing boats. Blyton created two sets of children's adventures. The Famous Five -- Julian, Dick, George, Anne and Timmy the Dog -- and another set of children who went to more exotic places abroad than the Famous Five.
I forget their names, but the books were "The Castle of Adventure," "The Island of Adventure" and so on. Kiki the Parrot is the main non-human character, adding more than a touch of humour. You told me the names of the children have changed for the Malaysian version, and for Uncle Quentin the 'do not disturb I'm busy' mad, bad-tempered scientist. Somewhere I still have Sam's box of Blyton books. He liked collecting them.

Cheers, Christine

Jumaat, Disember 21, 2007

summer days gone too soon....

At last, my task in Adelaide is over.

I went to adelaide last week for my delayed graduation ceremony and I have had so much fun for the entire six days with Christine and Tristan. After twelve months since I left Adelaide, everything still remained the same as it was. Yeap, the smell of summer scent and windchime sounds in Adelaide hills. I've seen a lot of awareness growing inside myself about emotional sphere. That dynamic of structure of feeling will lay beneath inside me and it will not gonna be changed forever.

Isnin, Disember 10, 2007

summer greetings

Hi Shah,

The weather is great at the moment, but it will be hot by the end of the week. I'll meet you at 12 noon on Thursday in the Plaza. I'm happy to take you to Raffles House afterwards. I remember the Raffles Hotel in Singapore. Not that we ever went there -- too posh. But I think you could see it from an oval near a big swimming pool where we went to watch a tattoo -- once upon a time, a long time ago. Cole has been in touch about the get together on Tuesday, after your graduation.

See you on Thursday, Cheers,Christine

Isnin, Disember 03, 2007

Christine says:

Dear Shah,

I've just had an email from Cole saying he has some spare time 17-19 December. That is a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Would you like to come to my place on one of those days for lunch? I think I can manage something in accordance with halal customs. Of course your friend is welcome too. Let me know what you would like to do and do not be afraid to speak out. Whatever suits you. Ask. I'm happy to pop up to uni anytime, if you would like to meet for coffee. Time and place is up to you. And if you would like to go on an excursion somewhere let me know, but there is no pressure if you are otherwise occupied. However, I have other obligations on Saturday 15 December, so that day is taken; otherwise it's up to you.
Looking forward to seeing you, Cheers,


Cole says:

Hi Shah,
Very good to hear from you. It would be great to catch up. I'm not sure about Thursday because I have interviews with students, Friday-Saturday 14-16 december I am on a film shoot, but 17-19 december I can certainly meet you! I would be very pleased to see you and talk, and hear more about your life in Melbourne. I really like Melbourne as a city, my favourite Australian city. Yes, I have been researching for my PhD. The major work will start next year and run 2008, 2009 & 2010. I have Christine's DVD, can you let her know I will bring it with me when we meet.


Ahad, November 18, 2007

Summer scent from Christine

Hello Shah

Great to hear from you again. I am very glad your presentation went well and you have your conversion to PhD with no problems. I am putting theory on the back-burner for a while and beginning writing for my creative piece. I'm going ahead independently because I will have a new primary supervisor in creative writing when staffing is sorted out in the department for next year (many regular staff will not be there). Nick Prescott is still my second supervisor. I have only seen Cole in passing this year. In fact he has a DVD (Werner Herzog) of mine that I must remind him to return. It will be lovely to get together when you are in Adelaide, excursion, meal, whatever -- you say and I'll oblige. I would like to see you graduate, so be sure and reserve me a ticket if you can.

Asian Cinema is finished now and I miss the lectures and films. I loved some films by Zhang-ke, Zhang Yimou, Hou Hsiao-hsien, Kim Ki-duk and we finished with a most amusing Bollywood movie by Farah Khan called " Main Hoon Ha" (unless I have my titles muddled). But best of all I enjoyed the work of the Iranian director Abbas Kiarostami. I've watched " A Taste of Cherry", " The Wind Will Carry Us" and " White Balloon" (which he scripted but was directed by another young director, I believe). I am waiting for the library to receive more of his films, and I have put them on hold. Gotta go now and do something like work.

Cheers, Christine

Sabtu, November 17, 2007

entah kenapa

satu-satunya perkara yang paling tidak menyeronokkan hidup di perantauan ni ialah bila rasa sunyi dan bosan. Bila bosan satu kerja pun tak boleh jalan. pulak tu bila masuk musim summer. dah ler panas. bertambah-tambah laa kebosanan ku ini. rasa macam nak balik kampung jer. tapi nak balik pun kena fikir tiga empat kali juga. kalau setakat nak balik tambang macam dari KL ke JB tu hari-hari pun boleh. alahai, apa laa aku nak buat lepas ni. soalan interview dah selesai. proses identify responden pun dah nak hampir selesai. proposal dan approved. ethics clearance dah submitted. begitu juga dengan research permission ke EPU. satu lagi yang tak selesai. litt review.

aku jumpa terry last friday. saje nak korek siket ilmu beliau tentang litt review. kalau aku tanya chris bertambah pening kepala otak aku. dah ler rosya pun sibuk tanya benda yang sama. lagi laa bertambah berpinar-pinar bijik mata aku. nasib baik terry bagi a few tips. nampaknya aku kena ke library esok. oh, dah pukul 2.30 pagi. dan aku tak boleh tidur. susu dah segelas aku minum tapi tetap tak boleh tidur. dah dua filem aku tonton. mr bean dan in the mood for love. best. tapi bila rasa diri keseorangan semua jadi tak seronok. tiket ke Adelaide pun dah ambil. tak sabar nak jumpa cole dan christine. pasti banyak perkara yang boleh dibualkan.

berborak dengan miss sepanjang petang musim panas. sekurang-kurangnya dapat menghiburkan hati. satu-satunya member baik yang jauh di mata dekat di hati. membesar bersama-sama di kawasan luar bandar. sama-sama berjalan kaki ke sekolah sampai kulit pun naik rentung. tapi itu semua cerita dulu dan cerita itu kami kekalkan untuk dikongsi segala rasa pahit dan manis. jika masa boleh diputar semula mahu saja kembali ke zaman itu. belajar betul-betul dan menjadi seorang profesional di usia yang muda. walaupun tak praktikal apa salahnya pasang angan-angan. oh cepat betul masa berlalu. dah pun hampir 22 tahun. masa yang begitu panjang hanya untuk belajar.
dan dalam jangka masa itu kejayaan dan kegagalan silih berganti. ke mana pergi semua rakan sepermainan yang lain? itu kata-kata miss pada satu petang di musim panas 2007. soalan itu tidak terjawab dalam satu hari. sayang aku hanya menulis diari bermula pada tahun 1994 sehinggalah 2003. jika aku mula menulis pada tahun 1985 mungkin aku dapat menyimpan semua kenangan tersebut. tak apa. untuk generasi baru keluargaku nanti biarlah mereka bertatih menulis diari pada usia yang muda. sepatah kata Ella, "pasti aku abadikan zaman riang kanak-kanak"

selamat malam.

Jumaat, Oktober 26, 2007


hey hey hey...

GRC dah selamat....sekarang ni kena fokus utk post-GRC plak...perhaps, Chris will ask me for meeting sometimes next week to discuss another steps further in this research. Anyway, I am very happy as I did very well presentation, even though speechless sekejap in the q & a sessions. Apa pun depa puas hati, esp Dr Stephen dari NUS...siap sebut nama aku and point his finger on me waktu dia present keynote...oh bangganya...riak laa sekejap....keh keh keh...walhal research aku bukannya hebat sangat pun...mungkin it seems very ethnographic and the way I conceptualised the theoretical framework yang buat dia excited tanya lebih-lebih...

Ok lupakan GRC...aku baru jer dapat name list dari Azah - iaitu insan-insan yang digelar wanita yang menggemari televisyen drama...ada lapan orang semuanya dan rata-rata dari perlis...mak cik normah, mak cik rafida, mak cik fauziah, mak cik rokiah, mak cik misah, mak cik pura, dan mak cik Asma....alahai...nama pon tahap mak cik2 yang buat aku exciting nak berjumpa dan bertentang mata...harap2 laa semua mak cik2 ni boleh bercakap dan ramah-tamah...bimbang jugak aku nanti jumpa semua jadik patung cendana tak bercakap-cakap...

Oh ya sebelum aku lupa, waktu GRC dengan tak sengajanya aku terjumpa Allison Wootherspoon, bekas penyelia sewaktu aku study kat Flinders dulu...memang lawak sampai dia pun terperanjat tengok aku study kat sini....apa lagi dia terus peluk cium sebab terlalu excited...memang lawak...terus aku teringat Cole dan Helen...Al beritahu aku Helen mengandung lagi untuk anak yang kedua..Cole pula semakin sibuk sekarang...dah lama rasanya aku tak e-mail Cole dan Helen....Al tanya sama ada aku akan buat filem lagi sepanjang aku di Melbourne...sorry laa Al, aku dah tak larat ler....dengan timbunan buku yang boleh membunuh sesiapa kalau jatuh kat atas kepala ni, macam mana laa aku nak buat filem?

tak sabar aku nak terbang ke Adelaide...walaupun ramai yang marah kt aku sbb tak pergi ke benua lain, tapi aku rasa selesa kat OZ...other than that, I learn a lot of things here and I will never stop....Kak Mira will be here somewhere around end of this year and Puan Liza plus Kak siti as well....hmmm...what would you think if we build another school of thought in term of cultural and media studies in the dept? this time an australian school of thought - that would be fun, hey! Ok laa..cukup laa takat ni...letih ler...nak rehat jap..ta!

Ahad, Oktober 21, 2007

christine says:

Dear Shah,

You are busy indeed. Your conference looks very interesting. I wish I could be there to hear the papers. I've been attending Mike Walsh's lectures and screenings in Asian Cinema, and I must say some of the auteurs and their films are fascinating. Tomorrow we move on to Iranian film. Last week we worked on Korean film, and before that Chinese. We are near the end of the course: next week is Bollywood, and that wraps up the year.

I read your abstract. Do you watch soaps? You know you must indulge if you are going to write about them. You must ask your mother what she likes, and her friends. I don't think you have sisters, from memory. Better ask Nora what she thinks, for the modern woman. When is your graduation in December? Does it take place atFlinders or in the city? Do you have somewhere to stay? You are welcome here, if you don't mind a mattress in the study. We would be happy to accomodate you. Molly is very friendly: she may bark but she wont eat you. Yoyo and Merry are enjoying the warmer weather, lolling in the sun. Frisky's old bones are happy too. Have fun writing your paper.

Cheers, Christine

Rabu, Oktober 17, 2007


Imagining Transnational Pleasure: Foreign Soaps, Malay women and the Modern world

Women and Soap operas are universally connected. Foreign soaps significantly create a new phenomenon and become one of the ‘must watch’ television programme in the afternoon or during prime time in Malaysia. At the same time, the association of Malay women and foreign soaps become a national tension and patriarchal-hegemonic discourse, in term of absorption and appropriation of foreign cultural value in the Malay’s socio-historic-specific activity environment. Thus, this research will argue how foreign soaps construct imagining transnational pleasure and the sense of ‘modern world’ to the Malay women. In order to seek the pattern of imagining construction process, this research will use media reception-ethnographic studies in the selective rural and urban setting in Malaysia.

Isnin, Oktober 08, 2007

member baru

Walaupun member aku ni dah lama bertandang kat melbourne ni, tapi hari ni jer aku ada masa untuk bercerita tentang 'ratu air mata' ni...aku panggil dia ratu air mata sebab mak cik ni selalu jer nak menangis bila stress....entah hapa-hapa laa...nasib baik ler si erwanita tak menangis bila stress cuma keluarkan statement "I want to be a woman" jer paling kurang...keh keh keh...kutuk siket erwan...biasalah sebelum raya ni kan...anyway, member aku ni namanya Rosya...aku pon kenal dia melalui si raja aminah...dia dan suaminya datang sekitar bulan Julai yang lalu...sapa nama suami dia ek? aku cuma panggil Zack jer...tapi kalau tak silap nama dia zamzuri....a week after anak rosya pon datang....budak cicah yang comel tu...anyway, itu jer laa aku nak cerita kali ni..ada masa nanti aku ada tulis lagi...

Jumaat, September 28, 2007


Hi Shah,

Good to hear from you. I, too, have similar emotions about my thesis proposal. My plan and literary review goes in on 6 October, soon followed by my proposal and seminar presentation. We have some aspects in common. I'm dealing with a transnational author -- model: Haruki Murakami -- and investigating his writing through critical reading and rewriting from my own POV. Enough of that -- my study is piled with books on literary and cultural criticism, so my POV will be "informed."

We have the OzAsia Festival at the moment. I've been to some super performances: contemporary music on Tuesday, William Yang doing a monologue and slide show called "China" -- excellent; Anna Yen telling the story of three generations of the women in her family in a performance piece and film called "Chinese Take Away" -- very sensitive and sad (both on Wednesday; Thursday was a traditional Indigenous Australian/Indonesian epic narrative -- much fun and laughter but sad too; tomorrow is drumming with Binari Dulsori; Monday is "Scorpionfish"; later in the week "Wanderlust" which is dance; finish with Hung Le -- comedy show.
A very busy time but I am enjoying myself, and wondering if I can get all my study done.
Family is fine, including all the furries. My sister has moved to Canberra and Mum has gone there for a month's holiday. It is quiet not having her drop by. I saw Sam at Uni yesterday for lunch. Alex I saw last week when we had a family lunch before my sister left. Val is fit as a fiddle, still plays squash several times a week.

We look forward to seeing you in December for your graduation. I saw Cole at the State Library last Tuesday. He asked after you. I told him you were fine, but not enjoying the cold weather. He laughed. He has lost a lot of weight; I hardly recognised him. Today I am cold. By December it will be warmer.

I am off for an early night, since I must be up early tomorrow for my shift at RPH (Radio for the Print Handicapped).

Keep in touch,

Khamis, Ogos 23, 2007


aku ingat nak tidor terus tapi better aku tulis siket kat blogs ni....tiba-tiba pulak dapat idea nak tulis satu cerita sebab dapat ilham bila dengar lagu memori..lagu ni antara yang aku paling suka dengar kalau ada sesiapa yang boleh nyanyi secara live..hehehe..aku mesti nak dengar walaupun suara orang yang nyanyi lagu tu tak sedap...oh, ya...apa nak tulis..kali ni aku nak bercerita tentang kenangan cinta monyet waktu kat sekolah menengah....walaupun lawak, harap sesiapa yang baca tu janganlah pulak kutuk aku..memamg aku terajang sapa yang kutuk tu...wakakaka....

ceritanya macam ni...waktu itu sekitar bulan Januari, tahun 1992...lama tu...agak-agak dah berapa tahun ya? hmmm..kejap aku ambik kalkulator...hmmmm....15 tahun yang lalu...lama tu...kalau aku kumpul duit seribu ringgit setahun mesti hari ni aku dah ada 15 ribu ringgit..terus boleh buat belanja kawin, hehehe takdelah..mana ada....tapi kan bila membebel pasal kawin ni memang tak best..setiap kali aku call mak aku kat kampung mesti dia kata, haa si polan anak si polan dah kawin dengan si anu anak si anu tu haa...kau bila lagi nak kawin? umur pon dah makin meningkat...

alamak rileks laa...takkan nak kawin cepat-cepat...nanti kalau aku dah kawin nanti susah nak bergerak..nak pergi berkaraoke dengan zaleha dan erwan pon tak boleh...hak hak hak..kelakarnya oppss..berbalik pada memori cinta monyet tadi tu...tak habis lagi aku cerita...masa tu aku berada dalam tingkatan dua..biasalah budak nerd mana ada masa nak bercinta-cinta ni..nak-nak lagi aku mak aku asyik suruh fokus dengan study..nanti susah kalau tak lulus PMR katanya..dah ler masa tu we all first batch yang ambik PMR ni seluruh Malaysia (sebelum ni SRP)...

Masa tu aku bersekolah di sebelah pagi...tak banyak perkara yang menyeronokkan kalau tinggal di kawasan pedalaman felda ni...habis jer sekolah balik rumah makan tengahari..lepas tu tidur sekejap...bangun pergi sekolah agama sampailah petang..bila malam pulak pergi mengaji sekejap sampai laa Isya' kat rumah Pak cik yang rumahnya berdekatan dengan rumah aku...lepas tu balik bukak buku sekejap then tidur...kitaran yang sama pon akan berlaku pada hari yang seterusnya dan seterusnya...memang takde life langsung masa tu..

dunia aku pulak terhad di kawasan felda tu jer..takde maknanya nak pergi keluar ke bandar nak melepak-lepak atau cuci mata kat bandar..dah laa bandar tu jauh gila..hampir 40 minit dari rumah kalau naik teksi...hahaha..tapi ok least, kadang-kadang tu keluar laa jugak ikut mak dengan abah aku beli barang laa..bayar bil laa...itu laa...ini laa...sebab tu laa sampai hari ni aku lebih selesa habiskan masa kat rumah atau ofis...kalau nak berjalan tu bergantung laa pada keadaan..kalau rasa perlu baru pergi...bersosial? jangan haraplah..terhad dengan kawan-kawan rapat ajer...

alamak...dah lewat laaa...aku nak tidur..nanti si peter cari aku esok kalau aku tak datang kuliah soap opera dia tu...penat orang tua tu dok remind aku "please come to my lecture, shah"...yer laa tu...aku harap aku tak sleep over ..otherwise, good bye ler pete...! hehehe...okay, selamat malam...sambung cerita nanti!

Rabu, Ogos 22, 2007

its not right but its okay..

hari ni aku betul-betul rasa tak best..macam-macam nak kena buat sebelum next week...benda yang paling bosan nak tengok of course laa assignment si Cathie and Pavla..tapi bila aku fikir-fikir balik, walaupun assignment ni dua pages rasa macam tak tergamak pulak kalau aku tak, kenalah jugak buat..nasib baik ada si Rosya dan Akma yang boleh jugak aku tanya & bincang apa nak buat...hehehe....Hikmah pun dah mula e-mail tanya tentang apa nak buat untuk radio program malam Ahad ni..aduh....banyaknya nak kena buat...

hari-hari berlalu macam biasa...takde apa yang menarik selain daripada penemuan argument yang baru dari apa yang terbaca dan dibaca....kadang-kadang tu best jugak kalau jadik budak nerd ni...hehehe....baca buku (konon-konon), lepas tu pergi kelas dengan semangat (semangat tengok jam bila laa nak tamat kelas) hahaha....ok laa tu kot...semalam aku called pak din dan kak liza discuss tentang methodology kajian aku...depa bagi macam-macam input yang sepatutnya aku dah perasan sejak awal-awal lagi..apa laa aku ni...tapi betol laaa kata pak din..dalam research ni kena kreatif bukan ikut buku semata-mata...buku tu cuma panduan jer....ok laa..aku nak kena fikir macam mana nak buat ayat pertama untuk essays ni....

Rabu, Ogos 15, 2007

christine says:

Hi Shah,

I didn't get back to you yesterday. It was a bust day. I spent ages having my eyes tested and arranging for new glasses. Two pairs -- expensive. It is a rip-off. When I think back to Singapore and how cheap and easy it was to be fitted...maybe I should take a holiday there next time I need new specs. Then I spent the rest of the day at the State Library where I am viewing old films from South Australia, to see if they are suitable for a public viewing later in the year. It's voluntary work, but the new environment is interesting, as is some of the old films from the Seventies and Eighties. There is even an old one from Woomera in 1960 which shows the living quarters and school where Val used to teach (1961-1963).
When I told him of the shot of the swimming pool, all he remembers is he was bitten by a bull-ant there and it hurt. Today has been busy too. I saw my supervisors, Kate and Nick. Now I must move into writing mode and start submitting things like Literary Reviews, Plans, and Chapters/Papers for comment. I'll need those new glasses. Hope you are finding your way around Melbourne and enjoying the experience. A friend is going over for the Melbourne Festival. It happens soon I believe. So the town should be abuzz with activity.

Enjoy. Ta ta for now.
Cheers, Christine

Selasa, Ogos 14, 2007

christine says

Dear Shah,

Great to hear from you. However, I've just got back from the theatre. It's after midnight, so I'll reply to your email tomorrow. We are mostly fine, though Frisky is getting geriatric now and cannot jump into or out of the car. Lately she has been very fragile -- soon curtains I think. Molly and the cats are great. We also have a new rooster and four more hens as my sister is moving to Canberra and has passed them on to us. Great fun in the henhouse. It's given the old rooster a new lease on life.

Catch you tomorrow,Cheers,Christine

Isnin, Ogos 13, 2007

lama betul tak update blogs di sini..sibuk sikit sem ni..bosan laa..dengan class dan essays...yuk!! aku ingat dah tak jumpa lagi benda-benda macam tu kat sini..tapi jumpa jugak..anyway nak buat macam mana...buat ajer laa...bak kata A'aliyah "just try again"...actually aku baru jer kemas meja aku yang bersepah-sepah macam titanic karam ni...kalau sapa tengok mesti koma tiga hari..nak buat macam mana kan, telan air liur ajer laa sesiapa yang memandang...

oh ya...ada banyak benda berlaku sepanjang peninggalan aku beberapa minggu...antaranya Raja dah dapat anak..sadly, baby tu sakit..apa pun harap Raja banyak bersabar...Ina dah pun melangsungkan perkahwinan..bukan Ina mawi okay....ini ina member baik aku...walaupun muka ada lebih kurang sama macam ina mawi tapi tetap dua insan yang week Zam pulak kawin...kad kawin dia dah pon sampai kat rumah aku last week...thanks Zam, ingat jugak kau kat aku...

kelmarin aku ada call ajak..lama betul tak dengar cerita mamat tu...banyak laa benda kami membebel termasuklah isu sama ada wolverin tu betul-betul mutan ke tak...hahaha..kelakar kan? tak boleh lupa sebab zaman kami X-men memang favourite no satu..tu tak termasuk lagi spiderman, batman dan macam-macam lagi yang sewaktu dengannya....aku try called Din tapi mamat tu tak angkat pulak..isk tak tahu mana dia pergi...

oh ya...aku ada called Erwan dan kak Nosi...seperti biasa bergosip betol dapat member macam depa ni...macam-macam cerita kami terokai...kalau tadi berkisar dengan marvel tapi yang ini berkisar dengan isu-isu sosial dan kemasyarakatan..hahaha...sekali imbas macam deal dengan wakil rakyat pulak...cuaca kat sini masih sejuk..bosan betul laa..aku nak buat kerja pon tak boleh..tapi aku target nak clearkan semua sebelum GRC..harap-harap ok Insya'allah, Amin..hehehehe...

okay laa..aku nak pi baca buku...nanti kang duduk sini makan gaji buta pulak..yer laa asyik goyang kaki, makan tido...hahaha....cya guys!

Jumaat, Julai 20, 2007

tak semua orang sempurna

Anggaplah kita berada dalam satu perlumbaan larian 100 meter..tidak kiralah kategori lelaki atau wanita...keputusannya akan tetap sama..pasti ada yang bakal mendapat tempat pertama, kedua, ketiga dan seterusnya...tapi ini tidak bermakna yang mula-mula tiba itu juara dan yang terkemudian itu tewas..Saya masih ingat lagi ketika berada di tahun pertama di sekolah rendah. Selepas sahaja tamat peperiksaan akhir tahun keputusan diumumkan mengikut siapakah yang paling layak menduduki enam tempat teratas dalam kelas. Bagi mereka yang tergolong dalam kedudukan tersebut akan/telah mendapat hadiah yang dijanjikan oleh guru kelas. Saya gagal kerana hanya layak berada di tempat yang ke sepuluh. Aduh, kecewanya bukan kepalang. Hampir menitik air mata kerana rakan sekumpulan yang lain semuanya menerima hadiah kecuali saya seorang!

Ada satu pengalaman manis yang saya ingin kongsi bersama ika (itu pun kalau beliau terbaca blogs ini). Ika merupakan antara sahabat saya yang paling rapat dan matang ketika menuntut di Universiti Malaya. Satu hari dalam kelas Media dan Budaya, kami diminta berdebat dalam satu isu yang saya fikir cukup sensitif kerana membabitkan rakan-rakan yang berlainan kaum. Tidak cukup dengan itu, ia perdebatan ini dilihat sebagai satu pertandingan kerana kelas yang berjaya menganjurkan debate yang membina akan dipilih sebagai juara.
Justeru, kami tidak melepaskan peluang ini dengan lengkap bersedia dengan segala pengetahuan dan maklumat. Buku-buku dan nota berkaitan dengan topik dikumpul hanya kerana mahu memastikan kemenangan berada ditangan kami. Sesi perdebatan juga dipastikan agar meriah dan membina untuk menarik perhatian tutor agar memberi markah yang lebih daripada biasa. Dan ketika keputusan diumumkan kelas kami gagal memenangi apa-apa kategori. Kelu juga seketika kerana pada pandangan kami, kelas yang menjadi juara tidak harus menang jika mahu mengambil kira daya usaha dan pendekatan ilmu yang digunapakai.

Kadang-kadang saya selalu terfikir bahawa kehidupan selalu tidak memberi keadilan dan berpihak kepada apa yang saya selalu tidak fikirkan. Namun saya terlupa, bahawa seteguk air percuma yang saya minum di Malaysia hanya setitik mampu dirasai oleh insan di bumi kering kontang di benua yang lain. Ada juga rakan taulan yang sering menuturkan bahawa saya bertuah kerana dapat belajar di XX dengan tajaan XX namun apa yang selalu tekankan ialah kejayaan tidak pernah datang bergolek hanya kerana saya layak atau terpilih. Kejayaan biasanya datang dengan usaha yang ikhlas tanpa mengadu domba.
Ella dalam lirik lagunya pernah meyebut "setiap manusia ingin berjaya, namun tak semua miliki tuah" dan saya selalu memikirkan betapa bertuahnya seseorang itu jika dia berjaya. Namun pada masa yang sama, saya selalu memotivasikan diri bahawa tidak bermakna kita harus menyerah kalah jika kita tidak berjaya bila mencuba sesuatu untuk pertama kali. Mungkin tidak jika peluang kali kedua, ketiga dan seterusnya datang. Pasti ada hikmahnya. Saya sertakan di sini lirik lagu Ramlah Ram "Gurindam Seloka" untuk renungan kita bersama :)

Biar buta penglihatan, Jangan buta hati dan fikiran
Biar pun miskin hina, Jangan papa adat dan bahasa
Berhelang helang buana, Jangan lupa saudara tetangga
Bila hujung di jumpa, Jangan pula pangkal kau lupa
Harumnya bunga rampai, Oleh kerna ramuan yang pandai
Indahnya sang pelangi, Tapi sayang tiada bererti
Hidup dalam dunia, Banyak ceritanya
Selagi bernyawa, Ada saja kerenahnya
Yang indah hanyalah bahasa, Disebut dibaca
Gurindam serta seloka

Namun kenyataan hidup, masih tetap sama,
Tidak kira walau di mana,
Tepuk dada tanya selera
Amalan biasa

Ahad, Julai 15, 2007

suara melayu melbourne

hari ni aku jadi tetamu dalam slot sanggar budaya suara Melbourne..memalukan..ini semua si Nurul punya songeh laa ni..tapi okay laa jugak at least dapat jugak pendedahan dengan operasi konti...dan mereka semua mahukan aku join terus sebagai team members...walaupun lokasinya tidaklah jauh dari tempat aku tinggal tapi bila di malam hari tu yang buat aku malas...masa tengah sibuk-sibuk rehearsel tadi ada team ASTRO datang untuk untuk shooting dokumentari mengenai umat Islam seluruh dunia..aku ingat bob suami si Raja ada datang sekali..rupanya takde...

Esok aku nak kena update semula proposal dan bahan bacaan sebelum GRC on October..kali ni aku mesti mantapkan semua hujah aku dan mematahkan serangan daripada Kat yang cukup terror dalam hal-hal audience studies...tak sabar nak tunggu akhir bulan ni....sebabnya elaun nak masuk..keh keh keh..boleh laa aku beli DVD player, hard disk dan buku-buku baru tentang soap opera...dan aku tak sabar nak tunggu sequel National Treasure yang bakal ditayangkan next laa movie tu...penuh dengan kepintaran dan kelicikan

Sabtu, Julai 14, 2007

christine again :P

Dear Shah,

Slept late this morning and just made it to the dentist for a filling. It wasn't too bad an experience and better done than not. I enjoyed Sydney, even although I wore blisters in my feet on the first day. This was from wearing new boots and carrying a heavy backpack up and down streets while we looked for the box office to the Belvoir Theatre; then we did not get tickets for Geoffrey Rush in EXIT THE KING. But we did go to see Don DeLillo's new play at Wharf 1. It was great to walk around the harbour to the theatre at night (more blisters), but I think DeLillo is a better novellist.
The play failed to move me, but we enjoyed seeing the venue build on the foundation of the old dockside warehouses. Sam was tolerable company, and a great escort for late night train travel to Parramatta, where our hotel was. He had a great time exploring the early settlement history and the shops of Parramatta, while I was at the conference. The conference was excellent, a good opportunity to meet and talk with people of similar interests in the nature of literature and reality. Next year's conference will be based on history and fiction, to explore the means by which both processes mediate truth. Gotta go for now. I'm off to the Drama Centre for astudent production -- exhausted though I still am. Take care. Summer is less than 6 months away.


Ahad, Julai 08, 2007

sejuk laaa...

lama betul tak update blogs ni...aku sibuk siket kali ni sebab another GRC is, kena lah prepare awal..kalau tak nanti mahu menangis aku present bukan-bukan kat depan panel..hari ni aku bangun lewat...rasanya pukul dua petang baru aku bangun...tidur lewat..plak tu sejuk banget malam, aku pun berselimut laa sampai tengah hari...bangun aku terus mandi dan basuh semua baju yang dah terlonggok dekat seminggu...kan best kalau ada maid..tak payah laa aku bersusah-susah nak membasuh itu ini..

nak dijadikan cerita, lepas jer aku balik dari uni (study jap, biasalah aku kan budak baik keh keh keh) aku pon terbukak laa youtube..mula-mula aku tengok shin chan dulu..tiba-tiba dengan tak semena-mena tergerak hati aku nak dengar lagu sampai hati oleh spring...lama tak dengar lagu tu..kalau tak silap waktu tu aku form 3 kat sekolah, tengah aku mencari-cari tiba-tiba dapat....dengar laa jugak lagu syahdu tu sekejap...alamak..rasa macam jiwang karat laa pulak...hahaha..kalau sesapa baca mesti depa kutuk aku habis-habis...

lepas tu tiba-tiba banyak pulak keluar video lagu-lagu 90an macam 4U2C, feminin, Res2, apa lagi...banyak betul sampai tak tersebut..tapi yang seronok tu bila semua lagu-lagu tu membawa kepada kenangan yang pernah dilalui sewaktu tahun 90an dulu....biasalah zaman remaja katakan...kah kah kah kah ..sorry, nak tergelak dulu..tak tahu laa kenapa lawak sangat bila aku tengok semua klip tu....masa tu semua orang suka betul dengan muzik rap..zaman ni dah takde pun orang dengar muzik rap sebegitu...kalau ada pun sangat berbeza dan tak sama langsung..nampak bodoh sangat artis kita masa tu sebab sibuk nak mencelup genre muzik dari barat..tapi yang bagus tu, muzik itu selari dengan suasana, layan ajer laaa....tapi aku paling suka dengar lagu spring - Sampai Hati dan Cempaka di Rembulan...

banyak betul kenangan waktu tahun 90an...antaranya ialah novel Ahadiat Akashah...aku masih lagi simpan beberapa buku..yang paling aku minat mestilah 'Budak Setan 1,2 & 3'..tapi Ahadiat dah compiled semuanya menjadi Lagenda Budak Setan..masa tu seakan menjadi satu trend untuk remaja membaca buku-buku beliau...walaupun ramai yang tak menyenangi karya Ahadiat atas landasan karya beliau jatuh di bawah kategori novel popular tapi bagi aku yang penting ialah keseronokan yang diperolehi....kalau kita menulis novel melangit estetisnya tapi tidak dibaca orang pun tidak boleh jugakan? itu syok sendiri namanya..

oleh sebab lawak sangat aku pun sms Miss..bertanyakan sama ada dia masih lagi menyimpan koleksi URTV yang dibeli sewaktu kami masih di sekolah menengah dahulu..hehehehe..tak lama tu dia balas sms aku "aku simpan lagi laa wei...kat dalam setor rumah Waha..aku start beli sejak tahun 1991..lepas tu stop sekejap bila masuk asrama..tapi sekarang dah jarang-jarang beli"...
err...ok laa...nak tido..esok nak bangun pagi beb..

Isnin, Julai 02, 2007

sweet sweet christine

Dear Shah,
It is good to hear from you. Yes it is cold and wet. We have just returned from Mum's and the world is shrouded in a white mist that creeps through the winter trees -- English weather. We took Molly and Frisky for a walk in the early afternoon and got soaked, an experience I thoroughly enjoyed. Now, I have washed my hair, rugged up, warmed my study and am ready to work. I hope you found a warm spot to work at Uni and managed to dry your laundry.

The conference on Literature and Sensation is next week. I am looking forward to it. Sam has organised time off to do some sightseeing in Sydney while I am busy. He has just received a traineeship with the office of a state Labor politician -- three days on the job and two days at Uni to finish his degree. He is very happy about this. Unfortunately, he cannot sew and I had the arduous task of turning up several pairs of new 'business' pants for him. I hate sewing. Fair exchange though, he took Molly and Frisky for their walk yesterday.

I went to see "Tales of Earthsea" by Goro Miyazaki last week. The film was OK, but not as good as those turned out by Hayao Miyazaki. However, not a bad first effort. Sam and his friend Matt thought it was good, so they have borrowed my boxes of Studio Ghibli films and intend to watch them all. Twice I have written to you about your study question -- cinema based on the pleasure principle -- and twice the composition failed to send because I worked on the email over the hour limit. The concept of female pleasure is difficult to discuss in a cross cultural context. Psychology, sociology, feminism, so many areas of study inform the subject. Two informative Western women authors on the subject are Teresa de Lauretis and Elizabeth Cowie.

Suffice to say, Cinema has the power to seduce through sensual engagement. The libido is brought in to play. Knowledge of dreams and desires -- fantasies -- is used to construct interesting and appealing narratives. Cinema may also be used purely for entertainment -- nothing wrong with that. There is a power of good in pleasure and laughter. The concept of catharsis is worth exploring. Troubling subject matter and themes are exposed and brought to conscious resolution in a non-threatening artspace. Tension is released and reason may be brought to bear on issues. This state is achieved by a combination of educational themes and entertainment.(Here I am talking about fictional/narrativecinema not straight documentary cinema). A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, to quote Mary Poppins.

In the hands of dedicated and ethical professionals the medium is a two way contract with the audience. The experience lightens the burden of living -- problems -- an individual or group may, perhaps, have faced alone. The intellect is engaged as well as the senses, to find equipoise, that is a balance of all things material, intellectual and moral. Society and the individual must learn, through experience and negotiation, to use the space of cinema in the best way. Such decisions are culturally determined.

Enough of that. My words are running in circles, and probably not answering your questions. Read. There are books. Ask me little questions that don't take spiels to answer. I am enjoying my study of Haruki Murakami. Nick Prescott is a good supervisor who, although busy, has taken trouble to motivate and further my interest in Murakami's style of literature. Will go now before I am wiped again.

PS Keep in touch

Sabtu, Jun 23, 2007


Keadaan penuntut-penuntut di negara-negara sebelah Barat adalah berlainan kerana universiti-universiti dan pusat-pusat pengajian tinggi di benua itu telah ditubuhkan beratus-ratus tahun. Mereka boleh mencuba apa jua yang mereka fikir secocok dengan jiwa mereka dengan tidak mendatangkan sebarang bahaya, tetapi bagi kita Malaysia ini kedudukannya sangatlah berlainan. Negara ini masih muda, universitinya masih muda dan boleh dikatakan bergantung sepenuhnya kepada sokongan kerajaaan. Universiti ini telah berkembang dari sebuah univesiti yang teratur baik dengan mempunyai lebih 6,000 penuntut. Banyak lagi perkara-perkara yang boleh dilakukan untuk memperelok universiti itu setelah kita mendapat pengalaman dan dapat mengadakan peruntukan yang lebih banyak. Hasrat Kerajaan ialah hendak menegakkan universiti ini dan juga universiti-universiti lain menurut sebagaimana yamg telah kita rancang dan meletakkan kepada satu darjah dan kedudukan yang tidak kurang dari universiti-universiti yang terbaik dalam Komanwel.

Almarhum Tunku Abdul Rahman dalam 13 Mei: Sa-belum dan Sa-lepas

Khamis, Jun 21, 2007


"Dalam kehidupan kita mesti ada kerajinan, prinsip yang matang dan yang paling penting ialah perancangan yang amat strategik jika mahu berjaya"

Kata-kata ini bukanlah datang dari ahli akademik, pujangga, atau retorik pakar politik yang terkenal. Tapi ia dituturkan dengan ikhlas dari seseorang yang cukup aku kenali. Tidak berpendidikan tinggi tetapi gemar membaca akhbar dan menonton televisyen. Itulah abah aku. Anyway, Selamat Hari Bapa!

Ahad, Jun 17, 2007

secawan kopi dan roti apricot

Aku malas betul nak baca apa-apa hari ni..sebabnya senang - takde hati laa...biasalah bila nak baca tapi tak ikhlas, nanti semuanya tak ingat..better aku baca time aku ikhlas...tapi aku kan budak baik, of course laa selalu ikhlas...heheheh...buat lawak laa pulak..semalam budak Allynerd tu beritahu aku news yang dia tulis keluar kat paper hari ni..takde pon kat dalam Utusan online...mesti mamat tu syok sendiri kot? aku called erwanita beberapa hari yang lepas..kali ini telefon beliau telah berfungsi seperti biasa..kalau tidak Masya'allah mengalahkan zaman perang Iraq nak call pun susah lah! Sebenarnya aku nak pergi IMAX esok nak tengok Fantastic Four dengan Abi dan Fariha..sekali jerk hari khamis ni baru masuk pawagam...tensen betol terpaksa ler delay kami punya plan mau nonton rame-rame...tak kisah laa tu at least depa tetap tayangkan kat IMAX..baru seronok siket...pagi tadi ada news tentang sesi tembak-menembak kat CBD...sorang mati, dua kritikal...takut plak aku nak merayap sana-sini...persitiwa kat Virginia Tech tu pon tak habis lagi isu..harap-harap takde laa apa-apa berlaku sampai nak tembak semua insan...

semalam aku called Miss..seronok betul ler ungkit kisah-kisah lama..antara cerita wajib yang akan kami perkatakan saban kali ialah kenangan sewaktu di sekolah rendah..sudah hampir 22 tahun kami tinggalkan Sekolah Kebangsaan Bandar Easter...antara sekolah yang terawal ditubuhkan dalam penempatan Felda yang kami diami sejak tahun 1981. Antara cikgu yang menjadi topik perbualan utama ialah Cikgu Khairunnisa Hj Baharum atau pun cikgu mata jengkol (jering). Miss ler yang selalu kutuk cikgu tu cikgu mata jengkol sebab kalau makcik tu tengah naik hot sebab kami tak paham apa kebende dia ajar (beliau merupakan cikgu bahasa Inggeris ketika itu) dia akan menjenggilkan matanya sehabis ada..kelakar betul..beliau berkahwin dengan Cikgu Zulkifli Shariff yang merupakan cikgu muzik di sekolah kami. Last kami dengar berita tentang dia ialah sekitar tahun 1991...masa tu kami semua dah masuk sekolah menengah..beliau terus berpindah ke sekolah lain sebaik sahaja selepas melangsungkan perkahwinan....Seorang lagi cikgu yang kami senaraikan dalam top list ialah cikgu kalsum. Dia ni amatlah terkenal dengan kegarangannya sebab suka mencubit dan menempeleng pelajar yang selalu salah pronounce suku kata dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Paling lawak bila dia suruh kami buat persembahan nyanyian beramai-ramai kat perhimpunan sekolah..perghh....memalukan betul...satu hari tu dia suruh aku baca satu buku cerita kat perhimpunan rasmi hari ahad (dulu hari ahad adalah hari persekolahan di Johor - Jumaat dan Sabtu kami cuti)..entah hapa-hapa....dia pernah cubit aku waktu exam sebab aku dok sibuk kaler gambar berbanding jawab soalan..dia kata nak kaler apa pon nanti dulu..jawab semua soalan...kaler tak masuk dari segi pemarkahan...sejak hari tu aku terus jadik lembab siket terutamanya dalam subjek pendidikan seni sebab aku selalu fikir mewarna tu tak penting...keh keh keh...Cikgu kalsum hanya ajar kami setahun iaitu ketika kami berada di darjah tiga..masa tu tahun 1987..dah lama pon..trademark beliau ialah tudung yang diikat ke belakang dengan jambul terkeluar di depan...selain cincin yang berbagai-bagai bentuk kat jari dia (kes nak menunjuk laa tu kot- gurau jerk)...hehehehe...

bila sebut matematik, cikgu yang paling ngetop ialah cikgu Noraini..disebabkan aku ni tak cukup protein setiap kali belajar matematik so anggap jer laa semua result math aku dari primary sampai laa secondary school semuanya merah menyala...masa ambik PMR dan SPM pon tetap logo atau simbol yang sama jugak aku dapat...apa punya lembab daa....Miss selalu cakap aku ni slow motion betol kalau bab-bab nak buat macam mana dah aku tak suka tengok simbol-simbol zaman firaun (ceh nak kutuk laa siket) sebab aku cepat pening...hik hik hik...sabor ajer laaa...cikgu noraini mengajar di sekolah tersebut agak lama tetapi beliau mengajar kami ketika di darjah lima dan enam....Aku rasa sepanjang kami di sekolah rendah tak terfikir langsung nak masuk uni..yang kami fikir ialah main games, makan, tidur dan tengok TV..kalau tengok sesuatu program kat TV mesti jadi semacam satu budaya untuk membincangkannya sehingga ke akar umbi..maklum ler, masa kami sekolah rendah elektrik terhad...bukan 24 jam dekat kawasan bandar atau pinggir bandar..kawasan FELDA (jangan ler cakap pedalaman kecik hati aku beb) tempat aku tinggal ni tak silap waktu aku form 3 baru ada elektrik. Hai, ketinggalan zaman betul masa tu...nak buat macam mana kan, tanya laa sapa yang organised electricity masa tu...memalukan betul....kami guna generator untuk generate electricity...itu pun dari jam 7 malam sehingga pukul 12 tengah malam..lepas tu dah takde elektrik..guna laa pelita bagi sapa-sapa yang rajin nak belajar overnight..fridge? Iron? wei jangan harap ler...

Aku ingat lagi kalau nak minum air sejuk terpaksa ler beli ais kat kedai runcit berdekatan..itu pun depa beli dari cina yang datang tiap-tiap hari hantar sayur dengan ikan..tak silap about twenty cents jer masa tu..kalau fasting month naik plak sampai 30 cent..entah hapa-hapa...kalau nak seterika baju pulak kena laa guna yang letak arang dan bara api kat dalam tu haa...(manual okay)..berabuk laa mulut nak meniupnya sebab nak kemas punya pasal..masa tu aku tak pedulik sangat nak pakai smart-smart pergi sekolah...masa tu mana laa reti nak bergaya sakan macam budak-budak zaman sekarang ni...nak ke sekolah pun mengalahkan artis..nak pakai kasut yang berjenama..ceh! bukan pi belajar pon- bercinta lebih-lebih....
Sapa yang pakai smart, scorer dan ada rupa siket (sapa yang perasan lebih) akan ngetop laa kat sekolah...everyone will say ohhhhh..awwww....uhhhhh...bila tengok 'popular student' ni berjalankat koridor atau ke kantin sekolah..glamour laa konon..rasa macam artis pulak kan? siapa? aku? aku takdelah sampai ke tahap popular student (tapi aku takde laa nerd okay- melampau pertuduhan tu)...biasa ajer laa....nak buat macam mana kan...masa tu susah jadik kena laa belajar betul-betul...kalau tak mati aku nanti kena tempeleng percuma dek bapak aku father is very strict in academic matters...more or less tempiasnya kena jugak pada aku ni kira garang laa siket kot...keh keh keh....

masa kat sekolah rendah kami dibahagikan mengikut kumpulan..aku berada dalam kumpulan yang dirasakan paling okay laa...satu group dengan Miss yang terrorist in math..ahli kumpulan aku ialah Miswadi Abdul Rahim...Miss suka buli aku sepanjang kami kat sekolah rendah disebabkan badannya yang besar itu..kira aku ni jadik nobita laa masa tu...well, no choice so telan ajer laa...tapi kami memang very closed sampai laa ni....persahabatan kami terputus bila Miss masuk ke sekolah asrama penuh..seorang lagi ialah Md Zaki Pua'at...sorang lagi yang rapat dengan aku....dari sekolah rendah sampai laa menengah kami sentiasa seiringan...Khairul Nizam Jamaludin - anak pegawai FELDA...dia berpindah ke salah sebuah sekolah di bandar sebaik sahaja tamat darjah enam..selepas bertahun-tahun Miss berjumpa dengan Nizam ketika menuntut di UPM.....
Marlina Omar....dia ni anak Pengurus, kira ngetop laa di kalangan cikgu-cikgu sebab "oh, awak anak pengurus kan?"..kadnag-kadang tu nak muntah ler jugak bila dengar...tapi nak buat macam I said, no choice..well telan ajer laa...kami lost contact dengan beliau...tak tahu apa Marlina buat sekarang...kali terakhir dengar berita tentangnya ialah dia melanjutkan pengajian ke sebuah universiti di utara semenanjung...Lailizah Abdul Rahman...semua orang panggil dia Elly...bosan betul..dia ni dulu perasan siket sebab dia antara yang boleh digolongkan cerdik dalam math dan bahasa Inggeris..tapi dia ni kira okay laa jugak dengan aku sebab kami tinggal dalam satu blok (di FELDA penempatan penduduk berdasarkan blok - satu blok ada 24 orang penghuni)...Elly dah kawin..dah ada anak pon..sekarang mengajar..tapi tak tahu kat mana..hehehe...

Seorang lagi calon favourite cikgu-cikgu sewaktu di sekolah rendah ialah Esmawaty Multar...dia pun terror Math..pendek kata kalau dalam kelas tu persaingan untuk merebut hadiah untuk subjek matematik setiap tahun ialah antara Miss, Zaki, Nizam, Elly dna Esma..aku? takde maknanya...lupakan ajer laa...jangankan matematik, subjek lain pon aku tak score...gampang betul aku masa tu..keh keh keh...well, well, well...tapi aku takde laa teruk least aku aktif laa jugak dalam ko-kurikulum..s, setiap tahun muka aku jer laa yang akan ambil hadiah untuk kategori kokurikulum (bukan sukan) sebab selalu wakil sekolah..walaupun ia tidak dikira sebagai satu pencapaian terbaik dalam akademik tapi kira okay laa tu....Then, masa berlalu dengan begitu pantas..diam tak diam sudah hampir 22 tahun aku tinggalkan Sekolah Kebangsaan Bandar Easter..dan kami coretkan begitu banyak kenangan serta titik kehidupan pahit dan manis yang mewarnainya...
aku ingat lagi kata-kata emak "belajar seperti kak ina...boleh masuk sekolah asrama penuh" sambil merujuk kepada kak Sarina, anak jiran sebelah rumah aku..setiap kali cuti sekolah akan ada kakitangan FELDA yang ditugaskan untuk menghantar dan menjemput beliau untuk di hantar sama ada ke FELDA atau ke bandar Kota Tinggi..beliau bersekolah di salah sebuah sekolah terbaik di Kuantan,Pahang... sekarang kak Sarina sudah menjadi Dr Sarina selepas menamatkan pengajiannya dalam bidang perubatan di UKM...

Aku? masih lagi mencari cita-cita...nak jadi apa yer?

Sabtu, Jun 16, 2007


Aku baru jer habis tengok movie - Under the Tuscan Sun - Diane Lanne & Christina Oh..enjoy banget deh...hehehe...tak tahu nak buat apa..pergi school tadi perabih dua chapter buku "love in the Evening"...habis juga akhirnya...bosan betol laaa....ingat nak call nocc tapi bila fikir-fikir balik esok ajer laa call...dia e-mail aku hari tu...seperti biasalah gosip-gosip hangat negara ketika ini...hehehehe...

hari ni takde langsung sinar matahari..aku nak keluar rasa macam malas ajer..bangun pun lewat..aku ingat nak susun semula jadual rutin aku..kalau berterusan macam ni sakit laaa....isnin aku nak jumpa, aku kena baca beberapa atikel siket lagi untuk explain tentang konsep yang aku mahu lakukan..kalau aku nak buat case studies mesti cerewet...hmm...apa nak buat lepas ni? bakar roti dan minum teh? oh tidak..for sure aku tak tidur, nanti jap..ada susu kan dalam fridge? minum susu ajer least, cepat sikit aku nak mengantuk...yummy....

esok aku nak buat apa? isk...baca lagi? tidaks....takde life langsung laaa..tak nak laa jadik nerd baca buku, merepek itu ini.....ewwww....not me...lusa aku, Abi dan Fariha nak pergi tengok fantastic four kat IMAX...mesti thrill nih...hara-harap tak ramai orang...hahahaha...aku ingat lagi....aku tengok first series Fantastic Four tu kat Sydney..lama dah...dua tahun sudah..and now the second one is coming..mesti lawak....masa aku pergi Borders tadi aku ingat nak beli Fantastic Four tapi bila terpandang Under the Tuscan Sun aku lupakan tujuan asal aku...aku dah tengok cerita ni dulu spring last year kat TV....tapi tak puas hati nak tengok jugak lagi..hehehe..ok laaa..nak buat kerja lain...ciao!

Khamis, Jun 14, 2007

another warm letter from Christine

Hello Shah.

Pleased to hear from you. I'm glad your presentation went well. Certainly, audience response and survey is an intersting focus for your thesis. I focus on text -- mainly the creation of my own. My proposal presentation seminar will be next semester. i have a little more time to prepare. I'm going to a two-day conference in early July in Sydney called LITERATURE and SENSATION. Affect on the audience/reader is one of the main focuses. Many authors from past and present times will presented. Sam is coming along for a break, although he will sight-see while I am busy. My mother had a pacemaker fitted two days ago.
Val will fetch her from the hospital at 2pm today. We hope she has more energy once the heartrate settles into normal rhythm. The nights have been cold recently, but the days just gorgeous. It would be brilliant to walk along the Heysen Trail from Mt Lofty again. Cox's Creek is flowing strongly and the Autumn leaves hang red on the trees. Though the display of colour is almost over. The first strong wind will see the trees bare. Yoyo is big and sleek. He is a lovely warm bundle to cuddle. I'll send a photo soon -- when I get organised. Molly and the other furries are fine, enjoying walks in the park as usual.
In fact Sam arrived at 7am this morning. He had been up all night doing an assignment for Uni. He took Molly and Frisky for an early walk. Now we are going to have brunch, then I'm off to uni for a seminar presentation by two language students (French). I do enjoy hearing other PhD students present their stuff. Keep in touch. There is good snow for so early in the season at Mt Buller. Maybe we will go to Falls Creek later. I don't know. Depends if I can wake some enthusiasm in Val. We have friends there in August pressing us to join them. Maybe, maybe not. It will be a spur of the moment decision.

Take care,



Ketika Kumembuka
Album Kenangan Dulu
Kuteringat Kepada Dirinya
Yang Kucinta Hingga Kini
Kemanapun Perginya

Kita Selalu Berdua
Dari Hari Ke Hari Terasa
Indah SajaItu Dulu Masa Lalu

Kuingin Tetap Menjalin
Cinta Kita Seperti Dulu
Merasakan Bahagia
Bersamamu Selamanya

Meraih Bulan
Dan Memetik Bintang
Akankah Kita Cuba
Demi Cinta KitaBerdua

bait-bait lirik Selamanya yang dinyanyikan oleh Ruth Sahanaya dan kemudiannya Sheila Majid kadang-kadang amat menyentuh perasaan. Dan seperti biasa unsur melodramatik yang menimbulkan kepuasan kepenggunaan terutamanya kepada wanita amat terserlah melalui lagu-lagu seperti ini. Kadang-kadang aku tertanya-tanya juga jika ada unsur yang boleh menampilkan kekuatan yang agak maskulin bagi mengelakkan ketaksamaan gender. Apa laa yang aku mengarut ni..isk..dah jam dua pagi..patut dah lama tido...tak boleh tido laa..tak tahu kenapa..baca buku jap tadi..tiba-tiba lapar pulak..bakar roti tiga keping dan minum secawan teh..lagi ler tak boleh tidur...

esok aku nak buat apa? aku dah beli dua buah filem perancis dan dah habis tonton pun tadi. Bosan yang amat. Nak baca buku lagi? oh tidaks...! stop laa sekejap..tak nak laa aku jadi budak nerd..isk! cukup-cukup laa skema masa jadi student dulu..sekarang ni tak boleh skema sangat nanti kang kena kutuk pulak..keh keh keh...aku e-mail Christine tadi..bertanyakan khabar berita..lama betul tak jumpa dia...apa khabar Molly agaknya..mesti dia sedang berlari ke sana - sini..dan bila aku datang untuk setengah jam yang pertama mesti dia tak berapa selesa..rasa terancam laa konon..selepas beberapa ketika mula laa sibuk nak ajak aku bermain kat belakang rumah Christine...dan aku masih lagi tak berjumpa Yoyo..last pic yang Christine e-mail kepada aku beberapa bulan dulu ia masih kecil lagi..sekarang mesti dah besar siket..harap-harap dia mesra rakyat tak macam Merry...selalu menghilangkan diri..rupa-rupanya berkawan dengan kucing jiran sebelah..Christine yang beritahu tempohari...

ok laa..dah malam ni..mata pon dah mengantuk..night-night!

Selasa, Jun 12, 2007

uiks sejuknya

Memang dah lama aku tak update apa-apa dalam blogs ni sepanjang GRC berlangsung. Rasa debaran itu masih ada lagi. Tapi tak mengapa kerana semuanya sudah berakhir. Titik. Sekarang aku hanya perlu menunggu responds dan cadangan dari panel. Winter datang lagi. Cuma kali ini agak berbeza dengan winter dua tahun sudah. Lebih sejuk dan lebih seronok. Mungkin aku sudah dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan sekeliling. Shopping? Itu sudah semestinya. Kalau tak membeli setakat jalan sana - sini pun sudah cukup bagus. At least, aku update dengan apa yang berlaku di sekeliling. Cuma sekarang ni aku bosan sedikit sebab takde televisyen. Mungkin hujung bulan depan aku akan beli satu.

Tak puas hati rasanya kalau tak menonton SBS. Satu-satunya saluran bebas iklan yang aku gemari. Itu tidak termasuk dengan dokumentari dan filem asing terbaik yang sering ditayangkan saban malam. Esok aku nak buat apa? Oh, ya..ada beberapa artikel yang perlu dihabiskan sebelum aku melabuhkan tirai encoding and decoding approach oleh Stuart Hall. Selepas ini aku boleh beralih kepada John Frow untuk Genre dan beberapa pendekatan feminism serta gender. Kadang-kadang tu rasa macam nak muntah bila baca benda-benda yang baru.

Nasib baik jurnal dari Media, Culture and Society banyak membantu. Tapi apa pun aku akan lari dari pendekatan textuality. Malas nak baca banyak-banyak dan buat andaian yang belum pasti kebenarannya. Justeru, audience studies lebih tepat untuk kajian yang aku pilih. Cuma yang dibimbangkan sekarang ialah kerjasama dari stesen televisyen terutamanya TV3. Kalau payah sangat aku pindahkan ajer kajian ini ke RTM. Senang siket. Tak kisahlah walaupun tak sepopular TV3 at least boleh jugak bantu depa dari segi pendekatan strategik. Oh ya...dah lama aku tak ke Borders. Nak jugak tengok kalau-kalau ada filem terbaru dari perancis. Best laa filem perancis. Shot dan script memang brilliant. Aku ingat nak buat collection least boleh bagi idea shot yang macam mana nak hasilkan kalau buat filem pendek nanti..hehehe..itu pun kalau ada masa..harap-harap ada laa masa kot..tak best laa kalau biar minat hilang macam tu ajer..

Ahad, Jun 03, 2007

words from Christine

Dear Shah,
I, too, am coming to grips with modernism, in relation to Haruki Murakami. I've just finished "After Dark" which is a neat little novel that argues for the restoration of warmth and compassion in human relations, respect and negotiation rather than unequal power play and exploitation. Stylistically, he is into magical realism. Today, I think that; tomorrow, who knows!!!
Yoyo is here. He is purring and wants to play with the keyboard. His back is wet, so it must be raining outside. Molly and the other furries are fine.
Val, Sam and I went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean 3"last Sunday. It is super fun. Johnny Depp is gloriously scatty, in all his split personalities -- riotous action. On Tuesday Val and I saw "Leonard Cohen: I'm your man." It is a brilliant documentary. Cohen is a superlative poet and musician. I've loved his work since the early 1970s. Cold, but the way I like it. Take care and enjoy your presentation...hehehe. Mine will probably be early next semester.


Selasa, Mei 29, 2007


Tamu kuyup semalam
yang datang di lebat hujan
kuberi makan,persalinan
dan tilam untuk bermalam.

Bila reda hujan
dia menghilang.
Ditinggalkannya padaku
sebilah belati
tercacak pada hati

-Hashim Yaacob-

Khamis, Mei 24, 2007

blue & fresh

I am sitting in my room and looking outside through the window. What do I see? and what can I see? hmmm..yes, two municipal workers fix the street. I saw a white car parked exactly right in front of the restaurant (well, I do live in the restaurant). and the blue sky. green trees. with fresh air blows straight away to my face. yup, and that songs. the songs that I will never forget.

Selasa, Mei 22, 2007

thanks chrsitine

Dear Shah,

Don't go crazy. Relax and enjoy. After all, film is such a fascinating medium and there are reels to explore. I hope you have friends in Melbourne, to share all the wonderful things. Making friends is so important. I'm scared too. Writing a novel seems such a mammoth task, especially when theories must be explored. Sometimes I'm paralysed, then the only thing is to begin somewhere, and from small beginnings bigger things grow, and step by step the project takes shape. Molly is great. We had a super walk today. I studied the clouds, billowing anvils of surly cumuli nimbus against patches of blue; each mass was outlined from behind with brilliant silver -- anime sky. Molly was so happy to run and swim in the creek. The air was fresh but not cold.

Take care, Christine

Isnin, Mei 14, 2007

from christine

Dear Shah,

Thank you so much for the card. The picture is appropriate and represents the fear and thrill of jumping into the water (feminine) at the start of creative exploration.

Here is the title of a super book on your topic. I read it at the start of the year: "Melodrama and Meaning: history, culture, and the films of Douglas Sirk" by Barbara Klinger (1994). John McConchie showed us one of his melodramas in CINEMA AND FANTASY and we analysed his appeal. Sirk is kinda the father of Hollywood melodrama, but if you want another take on the subject, I adore the work of the Spanish director Pedro Almodovar. His films are very risky, but if you do not understand metaphor and representation as argument, you may be shocked. But some are beautiful compositions. My favourites are "Talk to Her" and his most recent "Volver" with Penelope Cruz. "All About My Mother" is wonderful and moving. In fact one of his films is on this Wednesday night on SBS. I think it is "Bad Education."

I must go and get some work done. It has been a full day. I saw Nick this morning about my proposal and range of reading. Then this afternoon I went to a professional development class on the Literary Review. However, English Thesis do not place such an emphasis on the literary review -- more on the exegesis to the creative product. Sorry the magpies do not sing for you. Molly had fun chasing the galahs today, even 'though it was raining. Yoyo tried to get into the bed last night. He must have been cold. Merry is well. The hair has grown back on his ears. They were patchy because of an allergy to summer grasses. In fact everyone is fine. I have a new computer with a large flat monitor, so I can see better. Sam has taken my old one. I expect we will not see as much of him now he can play his favourite game (Sim City) at home. (His laptop was not powerful enough or compatible or something).

Anyway, keep in touch.

The word I hate most..

I think it has been a while for me not to update anything in my blogs due to my 'heavy duty' task at the moment. This task is certainly driving me mad sometimes. Perhaps, I shall stop to do my routine job next time and focus to something else which is more fun and probably reduce my stress. I talked to my mentor yesterday about what I have been doing in my research and suprisingly she even suggested many new ideas for me to think about. However, those suggestions will need me to refashioning my topics and again I have to read, read and read..argghh....this is the most thing I hate in this world but I do not have any much choices. So, I have to take this as part of my habits. Okay, stop talking this issues and lets start with another stories.

I watched Les Choristes (2004) a few weeks ago. It is a story about two middle-aged men, the renowned French conductor Pierre Morhange and an old friend, Pépinot, reminisce about their days at a boarding school for boys. For me this is a very good movie to watch. It shall make you smile in the beginning and cry at the end of the story. The main character, a music teacher Clément Mathieu really enlightened my soul about the sacrifiying of being the sincere educator. Meanwhile, in the next two days, all schools in Malaysia will celebrate Teachers Day. I still remember my previous school life in Kota Tinggi Johor. The most day which I shall not forget. Everyday I have to wake up about 6 am early in the morning to get prepared for school and everything. By 6:30, I have to walk about 2km before I reach the school with 30 cent (you know, duit belanja) for food during recess.

The class and the teacher, well..more affective rather than what our school kids have nowadays. Being a country school kids, as I was, I would never ever believe that myself shall be admitted to the prestige local university one day. I did not study very hard in the primary school and as a result my major exam was not tremendously went very well. For me, life is simple and we do not have to attempt for everything. When I was in secondary school, a few teachers of mine encouraged me and other students in my class to change our life as poor, hopeless country kids and become more passionate about knowledge and being useful humankind in the future. One of them whispered to me and said "life is a challenge and it is depend on you to make them good or bad".

I would like to thanks all the teachers who had responsibled to show me the right path and changed my life. I knew life is not easy as we might think but challenge is fun, really...for all my teachers out there..there is no much words to say here..thank very much.

Jumaat, April 20, 2007

a tale from christine

Dear Shah,

Good to hear from you. Your worries about theory mirror mine. I realise my old favourites from last year will not support my interests this year. I have been reading the work of Japanese writer Murakami -- literature for me this time around rather than anime, so as close as I could come to the hyperreal style -- and decided that I need to know more about "simulacrum." So I am about to start researching Jean Baudrillard, to see if he will be of any use to my understanding of the way the world turns.

Sam has just arrived and gone off with Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" to see what he thinks of the novel. I did miss you at the graduation ceremony. Your name was in the program as having completed the MA, with Nicholas Berry-Smith's and Alex Vickery-Howe who graduated in creative arts (drama) and whom I have known since he was about 4 years old, as I taught some years with his mother. Strange the way the world turns. I have some spare copies if you would like me to send them. Maybe your parents wouldlike one.

I emailed Cole. He is very busy but invites me to drop around sometime. I can't see it happening soon as I am so rarely at Sturt. If I hear anything about the short films etc for 2007, I'll let you know. I must remember to ask about them when the time comes. I went to listen to Taikoz, a Japanese style drumming company, at the Festival Theatre on Thursday. The treat was a present from my sister. It was a joyous and cathartic experience generating much positive energy.

Molly and Frisky are fine. We will walk them when Val gets back from squash. Yoyo had fun climbing trees this morning, with Boo the cat from next door. Merry is asleep inside. He spends the night on patrol in the garden and is worn out with his vigilance. He says, with distain, that play is only for the young ones (Yoyo). Miaow.

How is Nora? I hope that she has settled happily into her new routine. And I hope it rains soon -- pelts. The soil is very dry.

Take care,

Khamis, April 19, 2007

you wanna drink or sumthin?

I thought I wanna write this blogs last night but I was exhausted pertaining to what I have done with reading and litt review lately - kick ass! It was killin me...why there are so many bloody theories in this fuckin world? People live happily and so what they come out with theory..people died and dying in the battle...and hey, I have another theory to say here! My goodness! Fortunately, I dun live with this and that theory or I shall become lunatic!

allrighty...I spent my time like an hour or something in the library yesterday purposely just trying to figure out which books and journals should I read. For that matter, me, walking around on and off from one to another bookshelves hardly trying to make sure I got everything I want. It was not simple as I might think actually. Besides, everybody were staring at me and whispered each other who is this idiot anyway? fuckin hell!

Fortunately, everything was done earlier and I quickly stepped out from the library without using an escalator (Would you believe that? This library has an escalator!) and I barely even thought about it as I want to read everything as soon as I can. Then I ran back to my office and get my ass back on workin space, but this friendly Trent was asking me to join him and other guys for a drink. "Heya, Shah! How you doin mate? you wanna beer or somethin? lets join us for a talk!"

hmmm....not bad, hey! But I dun father would kick my ass if he knew it. "Dun worry , you can have soft drink if you wont have beer"..ok then..."Why you dun drink Shah? Is that because of religious matter? Why all people in this world will stop saying cannot do this and that...blah blah blah..."..opss..please..not another stupid guys supposed to know why I dun drink...pfftt...I kinda hate it...

Jumaat, April 13, 2007

katakan padaku

katakan padaku
sejak puisi mengalir
sejak langit meratap
mengapa air mata ku
terasa baru bagai embun, terasa baru?

burung rembang membuka sayap
daun-daun menjadi lebih redup
aku lewat lagi berdayung di depanmu
kau siap lagi berdiri di tebing

semua pepohon menjadi sepohon di sampingmu
semua detik menjadi sedetik di matamu
sungai ini pun terasa betapa gemuruh
menyambut semarak api di bahumu

katakan padaku
sejak malam menjelma
sejak maut menyentuh
mengapa sepi jiwamu
terasa baru bagai pedihku terasa baru?

- ditulis oleh Latiff Mohidin dan dinyanyikan oleh Ahmad Ramli-

I would love to dedicate this songs to anyone out there who knows how to sing it..enjoy...

Isnin, April 09, 2007

e-mail from christine

Dear Shah,
Today is a glorious sunny day and the temperaturehas upped to 30 degrees. We've had a good Easter Break sofar. We had friends for dinner on Friday and my familyyesterday. I had forgotten what it is like to be on my feetall day COOKING and serving food, but the result was worthit -- appreciated. No eggs this year (the boys have grown up) except thereal variety from our chooks, but my sister brought somewonderful chocolates from the chocolate shop at Balhannah.Yoyo and Merry had extra milk and a bite from Friday's lamb.
Frisky and Molly had the bones from the roast on both days,an extra walk from Sam on Friday, and three rounds of theoval with Val and I yesterday. Mind you Molly is alreadypestering for her walk today. I, too, am going to some short courses beginning thisweek with Endnote. However, no doubt I'll get confusedbecause English still uses footnotes. Later in the semesterthere is other stuff on Thesis writing and preparation.Every little insight into the formal process helps. I'm getting stuck into Japanese contemporary novels, asthese will form the jumping off point for my study.
The reading is fascinating -- yes even the theory. At the momentall things Japanese are grist for the mill with me. I emailed the Big Man, but I have no reply as yet. Nodoubt he is up to his ears (busy) with teaching and his ownMA work. I must go and do some more reading now. I've just begunHaruki Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of theWorld." It's intriguing and challenging stuff. Take care.


pergi ke state library

Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah keluar ke bandar untuk pergi ke State Library...kali ni aku kena hantar release form kat Anthony sebelum Helen kata kat aku "shah, you are bloody jerk"...ceh..macam laa aku ni bodoh sangat...sekali aku tempeleng kang hilang segala ilmu di dada..wakakakakaka...apa kabar erwan ya? bukan ke semalam dia pergi mengadap dewa?

harmony day

03-25-2006 at 09:12 PM

Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah bangun hari ni sebab nak pergi tengok tarian poco-poco sempena Harmony Day hari ni..Mula-mula aku ingat tak nak pergi tapi disebabkan si zura dan kak za pon dah ajak, dan kerja aku pn dah ok, aku pon pergi laa ke Warraparingga park tu untuk menonton persembahan pelbagai etnik..Tapi yang peliknya hari ni punya laa ramai warga Uzbekistan yang dah migrated ke Australia nih..Datuk Bandar yang seksi tu pun siap promote lagi suruh mana-mana insan terpilih yang rasa-rasa nak jadik warga Australia tu pergi memohon ke jabatan yang berkenaan..tapi seronok laa jugak sebab dapat bergaul dengan budak-budak dan golongan veteran...mula-mula aku ingatkan dah pergi salah tempat sebab yang ada cuma itik dan angsa, rupa-rupanya tak mula lagi..ceh!!

jom bangun pagi

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Kali ini aku memang mengaku sukar betul untuk bangkit awal pagi. Pelik betul anak-anak mat salleh ni. Mereka amat punctual dan datang tepat pada masanya. Nasib baik aku tak datang begitu lewat. Lagi pun bukannya banyak perkara yang boleh aku lakukan. Semua post dah dipenuhi. Teruk si Eliza ni. Sepatutnya bagi laa aku join lebih siket. Tapi nak buat macam mana dah pengalaman aku dalam bidang ni terhad. Kalau aku tahu dahulu dah lama aku buat bidang dokumentari masa kat UM dulu.

Aku terima e-mail dari Erwan pagi ni. Marah betul bunyinya. Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah jadik orang gila dok senyum sorang-sorang. Memang skeptikal betul mamat ni. Perangai dia lebih kurang sama macam Ahmad Najahalhayyi. Alahai Erwan jangan laa dok gelabah sangat. Baru kena ketuk siket dah terkezut. Tapi takpe aku akan tetap backing kau punya laa walau apa pun terjadi. Yang penting next time jangan nervous sangat.

Jumaat ni kami akan ke Melbourne dan Sydney. Kali ini mereka betul-betul nak guna Great Ocean Road. Aku dah browsed website pasal bende tu tadi. Memang mengagumkan. Kami akan bertolak selepas solat Isya' dan terus ke Mount Baker. Aku harap sangat kami akan dapat penginapan yang selesa di Sydney. Kalau di Melbourne takde laa bimbang sangat sebab boleh tidur kat rumah Abang Amir dan kak Ida. Apa pun selamat berjalan.

Suasana di flat cukup sepi. Tidak wujud suasana hiruk pikuk seperti di Kuala Lumpur. Hampir lima bulan aku di bumi asing. Semuanya tidak sama seperti di tanah tumpah darah sendiri. Semuanya bermula dengan tawaran yang kuterima kira-kira lapan bulan yang lalu. Sengaja tidak kuberitahu pada sesiapa kecuali keluarga dan teman rapatku Ika. Sehinggakan Erwan terasa berkecil hati dan tidak mahu menegurku hampir dua minggu jika aku tidak silap. Ah, maaf getusku.

Semua ini hadir tanpa ku duga. Satu peluang yang memang aku tunggu-tunggu sejak dahulu. Aku harus menerimanya tanpa berbelah bahagi. Cuma cabaran getir dan liku-liku yang mungkin menunggu selama aku dua tahun tercampak di bumi asing ini.Deruan angin cukup kuat dan dingin. Kesejukan yang biasanya memaksa aku mengenakan pakaian yang cukup tebal. Ku hidupkan pemanas agar kedinginan itu segera hilang. Fikiranku menerawang sebentar. Tugasan yang diberikan oleh pensyarah hampir selesai. Cuma beberapa perkara lagi yang perlu diambil kira seperti pemurnian ayat dan lukisan kasar untuk jalan cerita. Semuanya terlalu baru untukku. Aku hadir di sini dengan satu misi. Misi yang penuh dengan harapan agar aku dapat membawa pulang sesuatu yang baru dan dijadikan kekuatan bagi generasi masa hadapan.

Ahad, April 08, 2007

kisah dan tauladan

Aku masih ingat lagi ingat tentang satu kisah sang kancil menipu seisi ahli rimba dengan mengatakan langit hendak runtuh. Semuanya dilakukan oleh sang kancil semata-mata untuk mencari jalan bagaimana mahu keluar dari sebuah perigi buta yang dalam. Maka dikatanya kepada setiap haiwan dan unggas yang lalu di tepi perigi buta itu bahawa langit hendak runtuh.
"Jika tidak percaya dongaklah ke langit", katanya lagi. Maka didongaklah sekalian haiwan dan unggas rimba ke langit dan terlihat akan mereka awan yang bergerak-gerak. Tanpa berfikir panjang semuanya terjun ke dalam perigi buta termasuklah haiwan yang gagah perkasa seperti gajah dan harimau kerana percaya bahawa langit akan runtuh tidak lama lagi.

Maka perigi yang dalam menjadi sempit. Rasa tidak puas hati pun timbul kerana mahukan hak dan ruang. Kesempatan yang ada digunakan sang kancil untuk mencari helah. Ditendangnya badan si gagah perkasa dan ditipunya bahawa orang lain yang melakukannya. Tidak cukup itu diapi-apikan lagi. Maka undian dibuat dan sang kancil didapati bersalah lalu dihumban keluar dari perigi buta agar ditimpa langit yang bakal runtuh.

Betapa bodohnya haiwan yang lain ditipu sang kancil bulat-bulat. Termasuklah unggas yang membelah angkasa raya dan terbang pada kepulan awan. Juga haiwan yang gagah perkasa seperti gajah dan harimau. Pendek kata akal yang ada hendaklah diguna. Tidak perlu kita mudah melatah hanya kerana perkara yang kecil. Ya kecil.. seperti sang kancil...

'kalau mencari tempat mandi, pertama teluk kedua pantai, kalau mencari pemimpin negeri, pertama elok kedua pandai...'

Jumaat, April 06, 2007

a letter from Christine

Dear Shah,

I am glad to know your are settled in Melbourne. Is youraccommodation reasonable and handy to the university?

I have not seen Cole. I do not go very often to the SturtCampus (only if I need a certain library book), and Coledoesn't come to the main campus, I think. I'll email him andsee how he is going.
My principle supervisor is on leave this semester, but NickPrescott has been great starting me off. However, I wish hehad more time for discussion. I have so many questions andhave no one to bounce off along the way. I have met someother postgrads and can attend a seminar about every threeweeks with Jeri Kroll's group until my supervisor comesback. Do you get the opportunity to meet other postgrads inyour field?

The Easter break starts on Friday and I seem to have donenothing except read and look around. I think I amprocrastinating with my writing, although I wrote a poem andperformed it last night for our local Friendly Street Groupin the venue on Rundle Street. I also went to see a Germanfilm "The Lives of Others" at the Palace Eastend yesterdayafternoon. It was excellent. About a writer in East Germanybefore the Berlin Wall came down, and the machinations ofthe secret police (Stasi), as they control every facet of public and private life. An excellent story with honedcraftmanship.

My family is well. My mother and the boys are coming fordinner over Easter, and hopefully my sister and her husbandalso. My furry friends are fine and Yoyo and Molly arelively in the garden chasing anything that moves. Take careof yourself and keep in touch.

good friday

masa jalan kaki dengan zain ke Albanian Mosque kat Shakespeare St. tadi banyak kedai yang tutup..tapi kedai makan masih buka lagi....ramai sangat orang keluar makan hari ni...then Zain beritahu aku tadi hari ni Good Friday..alamak lupa pulak aku...patutlah waktu Christine beritahu aku dalam e-mailnya kelmarin tentang Easter...Sam dan Alex akan pulang ke rumahnya sempena Easter hari Isnin nanti...

oh ya...lupa nak beritahu...Zain adalah housemate aku...dia berasal dari karachi, Pakistan...ada sorang lagi Housemate yang baru akan datang esok..namanya Abi dari Indonesia...nampaknya agak international jugak housemate aku..hehehe...macam-macam....entah hapa-hapa laa....

My Umbrella...the scene which has to be remake...

My Umbrella; Memories come and go but love is forever.......

Anne is young mother living in a suburb of Cameron Highlands. She has a three year old son, Andre. A few months before his fourth birthday, Andre tests positive for leaukimia, and is given nfor six months to live. This news changes Anne's life. Not wanting to miss a minute of his short life, Anne spent all her time with Andre. But long before the six months are up, Andre dies.
This short stories begin with Anne not being able to accept Andre's death. Anne spends her time wallowing in memories of the times she spent with Andre. She diligently visits the places she once frequented with Andre. Soon, memories begin to blur with reality. Anne sometimes feels that Andre is still with her.

The times that she realises he is gone bring great sadness over her. Anne struggles with depression. On one of her many physical trips down memory lane, Anne loses her brightly coloured umbrella which has become a preciou, physical reminder of Andre.

The plot thicken when Anne goes in search for the umbrella as well as her strength to go on. What will happen to Anne? Will she find the umbrella? Will she find herself and the strength to let go of Andre? These questions are answered when a small miracled occurs......

Selasa, April 03, 2007

5 sec please

ada satu perkara yang aku tidak gemari dalam dunia ini iaitu ular..selain bentuknya yang agak menjengkelkan, ia amat bahaya kerana mengandungi bisa yang boleh membunuh manusia tidak sampai beberapa minit..Dalam mana-mana masyarakat sama ada timur atau barat sering mengangkat ular sebagai satu analogi atau peribahasa..dan tidak perlu diberitahu, bahawa dengan jelasnya ular merujuk kepada perkara yang lebih negatif berbanding positif..tetapi dalam masyarakat melayu terdapat juga peribahasa seperti ular yang menyusur akar, tiada hilang bisanya...ia membawa maksud orang besar yang merendahkan diri tidak akan jatuh martabatnya...

peribahasa atau analogi sebegini lebih bersifat positif kerana apa guna kita berlagak sombong sedangkan ilmu di dada tidak cukup lagi..samalah juga jika kita berguru..bila ilmu sudah tinggi sedikit janganlah mendabik dada hinggakan langit ke tujuh mahu dilangkah..tetapi analogi dan peribahasa yang melibatkan ular dalam masyarakat melayu kebanyakannya bersifat negatif..misalannya..ular bercampur dengan belut idak akan hilang bisanya bermaksud orang yang jahat jika bergaul dengan orang yang baik-baik tidak akan hilang tabiat hasad dan jahatnya..satu lagi yang biasa disebut orang ialah ular berlingkar digulungan tikar yang bermaksud orang jahat yang menyamarkan diri dalam kumpulan orang baik-baik atau lebih tepat lagi dinamakan sebagai munafikin dalam bahasa arab...

semasa di Adelaide dulu, Sis Daljit selalu merujuk orang yang suka membawa mulut atau menuduh orang lain di belakang sebagai snake.."she/he such a snake, you know!"..macam tu laa lebih kurang...dalam cerita Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secret watak ular digunakan sebagai makhluk perosak yang jahat dan cuba memusnahkan Hogwart sebagai Institusi Pendidikan Magis yang terkenal...kesimpulannya di sini janganlah kita menjadi ular atau duduk di bawah bayangan seekor ular yang kemudiannya akan membelit leher kita atau mematuk sehingga mati tidak bernyawa lagi...

bagi sesiapa yang pernah menonton filem animasi Pocahontas yang amat popular pada lewat 90 an dulu mesti teringat dengan lagunya yang popular "Color of the Winds"..dalam bait-bait lirik yang dinyanyikan oleh Vanessa Williams ada menyebut:
You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You learn things you never knewYou never knew

begitulah adat manusia..kalau kita hendak menuntut sesuatu ilmu kita hendaklah yakin dan berpegang kepada satu persoalan logik atau tidak logik? dan persoalan ini hanya terhad kepada ilmu-ilmu manusiawi sahaja...dan satu lagi bait lirik yang amat berguna untuk renungan ialah:
How high does the sycamore grow
If you cut it down, then you'll never know

janganlah kita cepat melatah hanya kerana penampilan pertama seseorang yang baru kita kenali itu nampak lemah...pendek kata, itu hanyalah satu ujian untuk menguji sama ada kita benar-benar ikhlas atau tidak...siapa tahu? Datuk Kame watak utama dalam siri komik kanak-kanak terkenal Mutiara Naga atau Dragon Balls sering berkata kepada Son Goku bahawa di luar sana sentiasa ada manusia yang lebih hebat...itu bukan bermakna bahawa Son Goku tidak hebat tapi keikhlasan menuntut ilmu dan merendah diri itu adalah entiti penting dalam menguasai ilmu pengetahuan...begitu juga dalam satu dialog menarik antara Matt Damon (Will Hunting) dan Robin Williams (Sean Maguire) dan filem Good Will Hunting (1997)

Sean: I thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting.
Will: Yeah?
Sean: Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me...I fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?
Will: No.
Sean: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.
Will: Why thank you.
Sean: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
Will: Nope.
Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable— known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you. That could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it’s like to be her angel. To have that love for her, be there for forever. Through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term 'visiting hours' don't apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you— I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared-shitless kid. But you're a genius Will, no one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me, because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan right?"

[Will nods]

Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life's been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.
So, your move, chief..!!

Isnin, April 02, 2007


memang terasa bosan yang amat kali ni...takde member..takde lagi suara student tanya itu ini...ehh..memang bosan ler...nak merayap takde member...takut laa plak..walhal takde laa besar sangat pon Melbourne ni (berlagak laa pulak)...jumaat depan aku ada appmt. dengan Dr Chris...lepas tu hari khamis depan ada End Note tutorial kat library kena pergi jugak...
hmmm..semalam aku aktif bersms dengan perp. krew...raja pun selalu sms..hilang laa jugak kesunyian kat sini...walaupun duduk bilik besar, tangga bersilang-silang macam rumah kurun ke 19 tapi tak apa laa at least ada jugak aktiviti nak buat..harap-harap lepas ni ada laa budak Melayu masuk sewa kat sini..senang siket aku nak ajak dia pi merayap sana-sini....aku baru jer e-mail Christine...tanya khabar dia dan Molly..haiwan angkat kesayanganku...hahahaha...

Jumaat, Mac 30, 2007


akhirnya aku sampai jugak kat Melbourne..perjalanan selama tujuh jam langsung tak terasa lama..mungkin dah terbiasa agaknya kot di samping tak ramai orang departed malam tu...aku dah jumpa Dr Brian dan Dr Chris yang cukup fasih berbahasa Indonesia..cuma masalah yang tinggal cuma satu iaitu my enrolment is not officially done. Jadi aku tak dapat nak access net and computer kat workspace pon takde lagi..macam mana aku nak start keje...plak tu aku kena masuk kelas lagi..nasib baik satu jer..fuhh..kalau dua - tiga alamat aku lari balik malaysia laaa...

cuaca kat Melbourne sekarang sejuk, angin sejuk dah mula bertiup ke Vic.. nasib baik masa mula-mula sampai En Nasir ambik aku kat airport dan bawa aku ke tempat yang aku nak sewa..ia sebuah bangunan lama yang dibina sekitar lewat macam duduk dalam castle laa siket...biasalah kan keturunan anak-anak raja macma aku ni of course kena duduk tempat-tempat macam ni..hahahaha...berlagak betul...

satu lagi aku nak ucapkan terima kasih to my parents and family, Unn, Quzairi dan Ila sebab sanggup teman aku sampai aku fly...tak lupa jugak untuk Erwan, Farid dan Ally, Shah, Zack, Amirul dan sorang lagi aku tak ingat siapa namanya...thanks a lot guy..of course the surprise party were bloody terrific..!! The most thing I expected but I didn't actually..thank you so vey much...

that's it! I have to start my new brand day as a research student..not a lecturer anymore...wait for me guys! I will return for summer break and another short film...thrilled isn't it?

Rabu, Mac 14, 2007

apa cerita

Rasanya memang dah cukup lama tak menulis apa-apa dalam blogs di friendster...sebabnya mudah...sibuk sangat dengan hal-hal di dept. dan shooting...seronok betul dapat shooting kali ini..cuma yang tak lengkapnya tiada lagi suara Helen Carter yang menjerit suruh aku buat itu dan ini..tapi kali ini cuma ada suara aku pulak yang ganti Helen suruh student buat itu dan ini...hehehe..kira balas dendam laa siket...bila lagi kan nak dengki budak-budak ni...
tapi aku rasa aku belajar cukup banyak perkara dari Helen dan Cole Larsen..kesabaran, ketekunan dan daya kreatif menjadi tunjang dalam semua perkara..betul tak student semua?

Ahad, Mac 04, 2007

christine, you're so sweet

Dear Shah,

I am glad that you will be back in Aus to study.Melbourne is an exciting place to be and I am sure you willsoon settle and have fun. Thank you for the 'sweet songs' link. I have not had time tolisten because the Film Festival is full on. I've seen someamazing films but my favourite so far is "Red Road" a filmfrom Glasgow inspired by a scheme of Lars Von Trier to makethree films by different directors based on the samecharacters. "Still Life", a film from China is also verystriking, and there are others that impressed me from Peru,West Africa and Denmark.
Yesterday I saw "The Girl Who LeaptThrough Time" an enchanting anime, but nothing can matchMiyazaki's depth of creation. We look forward to seeing you whenever you are here. Haveyou told Cole how you are going? How is Nora? Today I must catch upon my reading. It will be hot -- 37degrees. Molly wants a walk but will have to wait again forthe cool of the evening. Yesterday she enjoyed coming in thecar to pick me up in town. She loves the bright city lightsand movement of people and traffic. The East End of RundleStreet is very busy with The Clipsal motor race, the FilmFestival and preparations in the Parklands for WOMAD. Theatmosphere is very carnivalesque -- wondrous for a doginside a car lookng out.
Keep in touch. Take care.

Rabu, Januari 17, 2007

masanya sudah tiba

Inilah masa yang aku tunggu-tunggu sejak tahun lepas..selepas bertungkus-lumus hampir dua tahun menyiapkan dokumentari ini, sekarang tibalah masanya pula untuk aku bersiap-siap melancarkannya..harap-harap tidak ada masalah...terima kasih kepada semua yang sudi membantu untuk melancarkan dokumentari ini..apa yang penting aku dapat membina satu 'branding' baru pengajian media di UMKL..apa pun enjoy!!!

Rabu, Januari 10, 2007

summer's e-mail from Alvin

Hi Shah,

Apa Kabar? Thanks for the return. Singapore is Singapore... many changes to the urban landscape as to be expected. The 10k submission should be senang as I'd imagine that you would have excess of material to submit by now. In any case do let me know if you need any thing that I can offer. Must admit that I don't look forward to returning to the welcome of Aussie Summer flies. Think the heat is more bearable.

P.S. Send my regards to everyone in our 'gila' room.