prinsip

"Dalam kehidupan kita mesti ada kerajinan, prinsip yang matang dan yang paling penting ialah perancangan yang amat strategik jika mahu berjaya"

Kata-kata ini bukanlah datang dari ahli akademik, pujangga, atau retorik pakar politik yang terkenal. Tapi ia dituturkan dengan ikhlas dari seseorang yang cukup aku kenali. Tidak berpendidikan tinggi tetapi gemar membaca akhbar dan menonton televisyen. Itulah abah aku. Anyway, Selamat Hari Bapa!

secawan kopi dan roti apricot

Aku malas betul nak baca apa-apa hari ni..sebabnya senang - takde hati laa...biasalah bila nak baca tapi tak ikhlas, nanti semuanya tak ingat..better aku baca time aku ikhlas...tapi aku kan budak baik, of course laa selalu ikhlas...heheheh...buat lawak laa pulak..semalam budak Allynerd tu beritahu aku news yang dia tulis keluar kat paper hari ni..takde pon kat dalam Utusan online...mesti mamat tu syok sendiri kot? aku called erwanita beberapa hari yang lepas..kali ini telefon beliau telah berfungsi seperti biasa..kalau tidak Masya'allah mengalahkan zaman perang Iraq nak call pun susah lah! Sebenarnya aku nak pergi IMAX esok nak tengok Fantastic Four dengan Abi dan Fariha..sekali jerk hari khamis ni baru masuk pawagam...tensen betol ler...so terpaksa ler delay kami punya plan mau nonton rame-rame...tak kisah laa tu at least depa tetap tayangkan kat IMAX..baru seronok siket...pagi tadi ada news tentang sesi tembak-menembak kat CBD...sorang mati, dua kritikal...takut plak aku nak merayap sana-sini...persitiwa kat Virginia Tech tu pon tak habis lagi isu..harap-harap takde laa apa-apa berlaku sampai nak tembak semua insan...

semalam aku called Miss..seronok betul ler ungkit kisah-kisah lama..antara cerita wajib yang akan kami perkatakan saban kali ialah kenangan sewaktu di sekolah rendah..sudah hampir 22 tahun kami tinggalkan Sekolah Kebangsaan Bandar Easter...antara sekolah yang terawal ditubuhkan dalam penempatan Felda yang kami diami sejak tahun 1981. Antara cikgu yang menjadi topik perbualan utama ialah Cikgu Khairunnisa Hj Baharum atau pun cikgu mata jengkol (jering). Miss ler yang selalu kutuk cikgu tu cikgu mata jengkol sebab kalau makcik tu tengah naik hot sebab kami tak paham apa kebende dia ajar (beliau merupakan cikgu bahasa Inggeris ketika itu) dia akan menjenggilkan matanya sehabis ada..kelakar betul..beliau berkahwin dengan Cikgu Zulkifli Shariff yang merupakan cikgu muzik di sekolah kami. Last kami dengar berita tentang dia ialah sekitar tahun 1991...masa tu kami semua dah masuk sekolah menengah..beliau terus berpindah ke sekolah lain sebaik sahaja selepas melangsungkan perkahwinan....Seorang lagi cikgu yang kami senaraikan dalam top list ialah cikgu kalsum. Dia ni amatlah terkenal dengan kegarangannya sebab suka mencubit dan menempeleng pelajar yang selalu salah pronounce suku kata dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Paling lawak bila dia suruh kami buat persembahan nyanyian beramai-ramai kat perhimpunan sekolah..perghh....memalukan betul...satu hari tu dia suruh aku baca satu buku cerita kat perhimpunan rasmi hari ahad (dulu hari ahad adalah hari persekolahan di Johor - Jumaat dan Sabtu kami cuti)..entah hapa-hapa....dia pernah cubit aku waktu exam sebab aku dok sibuk kaler gambar berbanding jawab soalan..dia kata nak kaler apa pon nanti dulu..jawab semua soalan...kaler tak masuk dari segi pemarkahan...sejak hari tu aku terus jadik lembab siket terutamanya dalam subjek pendidikan seni sebab aku selalu fikir mewarna tu tak penting...keh keh keh...Cikgu kalsum hanya ajar kami setahun iaitu ketika kami berada di darjah tiga..masa tu tahun 1987..dah lama pon..trademark beliau ialah tudung yang diikat ke belakang dengan jambul terkeluar di depan...selain cincin yang berbagai-bagai bentuk kat jari dia (kes nak menunjuk laa tu kot- gurau jerk)...hehehehe...

bila sebut matematik, cikgu yang paling ngetop ialah cikgu Noraini..disebabkan aku ni tak cukup protein setiap kali belajar matematik so anggap jer laa semua result math aku dari primary sampai laa secondary school semuanya merah menyala...masa ambik PMR dan SPM pon tetap logo atau simbol yang sama jugak aku dapat...apa punya lembab daa....Miss selalu cakap aku ni slow motion betol kalau bab-bab kira-mengira..la nak buat macam mana dah aku tak suka tengok simbol-simbol zaman firaun (ceh nak kutuk laa siket) sebab aku cepat pening...hik hik hik...sabor ajer laaa...cikgu noraini mengajar di sekolah tersebut agak lama tetapi beliau mengajar kami ketika di darjah lima dan enam....Aku rasa sepanjang kami di sekolah rendah tak terfikir langsung nak masuk uni..yang kami fikir ialah main games, makan, tidur dan tengok TV..kalau tengok sesuatu program kat TV mesti jadi semacam satu budaya untuk membincangkannya sehingga ke akar umbi..maklum ler, masa kami sekolah rendah elektrik terhad...bukan 24 jam dekat kawasan bandar atau pinggir bandar..kawasan FELDA (jangan ler cakap pedalaman kecik hati aku beb) tempat aku tinggal ni tak silap waktu aku form 3 baru ada elektrik. Hai, ketinggalan zaman betul masa tu...nak buat macam mana kan, tanya laa sapa yang organised electricity masa tu...memalukan betul....kami guna generator untuk generate electricity...itu pun dari jam 7 malam sehingga pukul 12 tengah malam..lepas tu dah takde elektrik..guna laa pelita bagi sapa-sapa yang rajin nak belajar overnight..fridge? Iron? wei jangan harap ler...

Aku ingat lagi kalau nak minum air sejuk terpaksa ler beli ais kat kedai runcit berdekatan..itu pun depa beli dari cina yang datang tiap-tiap hari hantar sayur dengan ikan..tak silap about twenty cents jer masa tu..kalau fasting month naik plak sampai 30 cent..entah hapa-hapa...kalau nak seterika baju pulak kena laa guna yang letak arang dan bara api kat dalam tu haa...(manual okay)..berabuk laa mulut nak meniupnya sebab nak kemas punya pasal..masa tu aku tak pedulik sangat nak pakai smart-smart pergi sekolah...masa tu mana laa reti nak bergaya sakan macam budak-budak zaman sekarang ni...nak ke sekolah pun mengalahkan artis..nak pakai kasut yang berjenama..ceh! bukan pi belajar pon- bercinta lebih-lebih....

Sapa yang pakai smart, scorer dan ada rupa siket (sapa yang perasan lebih) akan ngetop laa kat sekolah...everyone will say ohhhhh..awwww....uhhhhh...bila tengok 'popular student' ni berjalankat koridor atau ke kantin sekolah..glamour laa konon..rasa macam artis pulak kan? siapa? aku? aku takdelah sampai ke tahap popular student (tapi aku takde laa nerd okay- melampau pertuduhan tu)...biasa ajer laa....nak buat macam mana kan...masa tu susah jadik kena laa belajar betul-betul...kalau tak mati aku nanti kena tempeleng percuma dek bapak aku nanti...my father is very strict in academic matters...more or less tempiasnya kena jugak pada aku...so aku ni kira garang laa siket kot...keh keh keh....

masa kat sekolah rendah kami dibahagikan mengikut kumpulan..aku berada dalam kumpulan yang dirasakan paling okay laa...satu group dengan Miss yang terrorist in math..ahli kumpulan aku ialah Miswadi Abdul Rahim...Miss suka buli aku sepanjang kami kat sekolah rendah disebabkan badannya yang besar itu..kira aku ni jadik nobita laa masa tu...well, no choice so telan ajer laa...tapi kami memang very closed sampai laa ni....persahabatan kami terputus bila Miss masuk ke sekolah asrama penuh..seorang lagi ialah Md Zaki Pua'at...sorang lagi yang rapat dengan aku....dari sekolah rendah sampai laa menengah kami sentiasa seiringan...Khairul Nizam Jamaludin - anak pegawai FELDA...dia berpindah ke salah sebuah sekolah di bandar sebaik sahaja tamat darjah enam..selepas bertahun-tahun Miss berjumpa dengan Nizam ketika menuntut di UPM.....

Marlina Omar....dia ni anak Pengurus Felda..so, kira ngetop laa di kalangan cikgu-cikgu sebab "oh, awak anak pengurus kan?"..kadnag-kadang tu nak muntah ler jugak bila dengar...tapi nak buat macam mana..as I said, no choice..well telan ajer laa...kami lost contact dengan beliau...tak tahu apa Marlina buat sekarang...kali terakhir dengar berita tentangnya ialah dia melanjutkan pengajian ke sebuah universiti di utara semenanjung...Lailizah Abdul Rahman...semua orang panggil dia Elly...bosan betul..dia ni dulu perasan siket sebab dia antara yang boleh digolongkan cerdik dalam math dan bahasa Inggeris..tapi dia ni kira okay laa jugak dengan aku sebab kami tinggal dalam satu blok (di FELDA penempatan penduduk berdasarkan blok - satu blok ada 24 orang penghuni)...Elly dah kawin..dah ada anak pon..sekarang mengajar..tapi tak tahu kat mana..hehehe...

Seorang lagi calon favourite cikgu-cikgu sewaktu di sekolah rendah ialah Esmawaty Multar...dia pun terror Math..pendek kata kalau dalam kelas tu persaingan untuk merebut hadiah untuk subjek matematik setiap tahun ialah antara Miss, Zaki, Nizam, Elly dna Esma..aku? takde maknanya...lupakan ajer laa...jangankan matematik, subjek lain pon aku tak score...gampang betul aku masa tu..keh keh keh...well, well, well...tapi aku takde laa teruk sangat...at least aku aktif laa jugak dalam ko-kurikulum..s, setiap tahun muka aku jer laa yang akan ambil hadiah untuk kategori kokurikulum (bukan sukan) sebab selalu wakil sekolah..walaupun ia tidak dikira sebagai satu pencapaian terbaik dalam akademik tapi kira okay laa tu....Then, masa berlalu dengan begitu pantas..diam tak diam sudah hampir 22 tahun aku tinggalkan Sekolah Kebangsaan Bandar Easter..dan kami coretkan begitu banyak kenangan serta titik kehidupan pahit dan manis yang mewarnainya...

aku ingat lagi kata-kata emak "belajar seperti kak ina...boleh masuk sekolah asrama penuh" sambil merujuk kepada kak Sarina, anak jiran sebelah rumah aku..setiap kali cuti sekolah akan ada kakitangan FELDA yang ditugaskan untuk menghantar dan menjemput beliau untuk di hantar sama ada ke FELDA atau ke bandar Kota Tinggi..beliau bersekolah di salah sebuah sekolah terbaik di Kuantan,Pahang... sekarang kak Sarina sudah menjadi Dr Sarina selepas menamatkan pengajiannya dalam bidang perubatan di UKM...

Aku? masih lagi mencari cita-cita...nak jadi apa yer?

fuhh

Aku baru jer habis tengok movie - Under the Tuscan Sun - Diane Lanne & Christina Oh..enjoy banget deh...hehehe...tak tahu nak buat apa..pergi school tadi perabih dua chapter buku "love in the Evening"...habis juga akhirnya...bosan betol laaa....ingat nak call nocc tapi bila fikir-fikir balik esok ajer laa call...dia e-mail aku hari tu...seperti biasalah gosip-gosip hangat negara ketika ini...hehehehe...

hari ni takde langsung sinar matahari..aku nak keluar rasa macam malas ajer..bangun pun lewat..aku ingat nak susun semula jadual rutin aku..kalau berterusan macam ni sakit laaa....isnin aku nak jumpa Chris..so, aku kena baca beberapa atikel siket lagi untuk explain tentang konsep yang aku mahu lakukan..kalau aku nak buat case studies mesti cerewet...hmm...apa nak buat lepas ni? bakar roti dan minum teh? oh tidak..for sure aku tak tidur nanti..eh, nanti jap..ada susu kan dalam fridge? minum susu ajer laaa..at least, cepat sikit aku nak mengantuk...yummy....

esok aku nak buat apa? isk...baca lagi? tidaks....takde life langsung laaa..tak nak laa jadik nerd baca buku, merepek itu ini.....ewwww....not me...lusa aku, Abi dan Fariha nak pergi tengok fantastic four kat IMAX...mesti thrill nih...hara-harap tak ramai orang...hahahaha...aku ingat lagi....aku tengok first series Fantastic Four tu kat Sydney..lama dah...dua tahun sudah..and now the second one is coming..mesti lawak....masa aku pergi Borders tadi aku ingat nak beli Fantastic Four tapi bila terpandang Under the Tuscan Sun aku lupakan tujuan asal aku...aku dah tengok cerita ni dulu spring last year kat TV....tapi tak puas hati nak tengok jugak lagi..hehehe..ok laaa..nak buat kerja lain...ciao!

another warm letter from Christine

Hello Shah.

Pleased to hear from you. I'm glad your presentation went well. Certainly, audience response and survey is an intersting focus for your thesis. I focus on text -- mainly the creation of my own. My proposal presentation seminar will be next semester. i have a little more time to prepare. I'm going to a two-day conference in early July in Sydney called LITERATURE and SENSATION. Affect on the audience/reader is one of the main focuses. Many authors from past and present times will presented. Sam is coming along for a break, although he will sight-see while I am busy. My mother had a pacemaker fitted two days ago.

Val will fetch her from the hospital at 2pm today. We hope she has more energy once the heartrate settles into normal rhythm. The nights have been cold recently, but the days just gorgeous. It would be brilliant to walk along the Heysen Trail from Mt Lofty again. Cox's Creek is flowing strongly and the Autumn leaves hang red on the trees. Though the display of colour is almost over. The first strong wind will see the trees bare. Yoyo is big and sleek. He is a lovely warm bundle to cuddle. I'll send a photo soon -- when I get organised. Molly and the other furries are fine, enjoying walks in the park as usual.

In fact Sam arrived at 7am this morning. He had been up all night doing an assignment for Uni. He took Molly and Frisky for an early walk. Now we are going to have brunch, then I'm off to uni for a seminar presentation by two language students (French). I do enjoy hearing other PhD students present their stuff. Keep in touch. There is good snow for so early in the season at Mt Buller. Maybe we will go to Falls Creek later. I don't know. Depends if I can wake some enthusiasm in Val. We have friends there in August pressing us to join them. Maybe, maybe not. It will be a spur of the moment decision.

Take care,

Christine

selamanya

Selamanya

Ketika Kumembuka
Album Kenangan Dulu
Kuteringat Kepada Dirinya
Yang Kucinta Hingga Kini
Kemanapun Perginya
Kita Selalu Berdua
Dari Hari Ke Hari Terasa
Indah SajaItu Dulu Masa Lalu

Kuingin Tetap Menjalin
Cinta Kita Seperti Dulu
Merasakan Bahagia
Bersamamu Selamanya

Meraih Bulan
Dan Memetik Bintang
Akankah Kita Cuba
Demi Cinta KitaBerdua

bait-bait lirik Selamanya yang dinyanyikan oleh Ruth Sahanaya dan kemudiannya Sheila Majid kadang-kadang amat menyentuh perasaan. Dan seperti biasa unsur melodramatik yang menimbulkan kepuasan kepenggunaan terutamanya kepada wanita amat terserlah melalui lagu-lagu seperti ini. Kadang-kadang aku tertanya-tanya juga jika ada unsur yang boleh menampilkan kekuatan yang agak maskulin bagi mengelakkan ketaksamaan gender. Apa laa yang aku mengarut ni..isk..dah jam dua pagi..patut dah lama tido...tak boleh tido laa..tak tahu kenapa..baca buku jap tadi..tiba-tiba lapar pulak..bakar roti tiga keping dan minum secawan teh..lagi ler tak boleh tidur...

esok aku nak buat apa? aku dah beli dua buah filem perancis dan dah habis tonton pun tadi. Bosan yang amat. Nak baca buku lagi? oh tidaks...! stop laa sekejap..tak nak laa aku jadi budak nerd..isk! cukup-cukup laa skema masa jadi student dulu..sekarang ni tak boleh skema sangat nanti kang kena kutuk pulak..keh keh keh...aku e-mail Christine tadi..bertanyakan khabar berita..lama betul tak jumpa dia...apa khabar Molly agaknya..mesti dia sedang berlari ke sana - sini..dan bila aku datang untuk setengah jam yang pertama mesti dia tak berapa selesa..rasa terancam laa konon..selepas beberapa ketika mula laa sibuk nak ajak aku bermain kat belakang rumah Christine...dan aku masih lagi tak berjumpa Yoyo..last pic yang Christine e-mail kepada aku beberapa bulan dulu ia masih kecil lagi..sekarang mesti dah besar siket..harap-harap dia mesra rakyat tak macam Merry...selalu menghilangkan diri..rupa-rupanya berkawan dengan kucing jiran sebelah..Christine yang beritahu tempohari...

ok laa..dah malam ni..mata pon dah mengantuk..night-night!

uiks sejuknya

Memang dah lama aku tak update apa-apa dalam blogs ni sepanjang GRC berlangsung. Rasa debaran itu masih ada lagi. Tapi tak mengapa kerana semuanya sudah berakhir. Titik. Sekarang aku hanya perlu menunggu responds dan cadangan dari panel. Winter datang lagi. Cuma kali ini agak berbeza dengan winter dua tahun sudah. Lebih sejuk dan lebih seronok. Mungkin aku sudah dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan sekeliling. Shopping? Itu sudah semestinya. Kalau tak membeli setakat jalan sana - sini pun sudah cukup bagus. At least, aku update dengan apa yang berlaku di sekeliling. Cuma sekarang ni aku bosan sedikit sebab takde televisyen. Mungkin hujung bulan depan aku akan beli satu.

Tak puas hati rasanya kalau tak menonton SBS. Satu-satunya saluran bebas iklan yang aku gemari. Itu tidak termasuk dengan dokumentari dan filem asing terbaik yang sering ditayangkan saban malam. Esok aku nak buat apa? Oh, ya..ada beberapa artikel yang perlu dihabiskan sebelum aku melabuhkan tirai encoding and decoding approach oleh Stuart Hall. Selepas ini aku boleh beralih kepada John Frow untuk Genre dan beberapa pendekatan feminism serta gender. Kadang-kadang tu rasa macam nak muntah bila baca benda-benda yang baru.

Nasib baik jurnal dari Media, Culture and Society banyak membantu. Tapi apa pun aku akan lari dari pendekatan textuality. Malas nak baca banyak-banyak dan buat andaian yang belum pasti kebenarannya. Justeru, audience studies lebih tepat untuk kajian yang aku pilih. Cuma yang dibimbangkan sekarang ialah kerjasama dari stesen televisyen terutamanya TV3. Kalau payah sangat aku pindahkan ajer kajian ini ke RTM. Senang siket. Tak kisahlah walaupun tak sepopular TV3 at least boleh jugak bantu depa dari segi pendekatan strategik. Oh ya...dah lama aku tak ke Borders. Nak jugak tengok kalau-kalau ada filem terbaru dari perancis. Best laa filem perancis. Shot dan script memang brilliant. Aku ingat nak buat collection laa...at least boleh bagi idea shot yang macam mana nak hasilkan kalau buat filem pendek nanti..hehehe..itu pun kalau ada masa..harap-harap ada laa masa kot..tak best laa kalau biar minat hilang macam tu ajer..

words from Christine

Dear Shah,

I, too, am coming to grips with modernism, in relation to Haruki Murakami. I've just finished "After Dark" which is a neat little novel that argues for the restoration of warmth and compassion in human relations, respect and negotiation rather than unequal power play and exploitation. Stylistically, he is into magical realism. Today, I think that; tomorrow, who knows!!!
Yoyo is here. He is purring and wants to play with the keyboard. His back is wet, so it must be raining outside. Molly and the other furries are fine.

Val, Sam and I went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean 3"last Sunday. It is super fun. Johnny Depp is gloriously scatty, in all his split personalities -- riotous action. On Tuesday Val and I saw "Leonard Cohen: I'm your man." It is a brilliant documentary. Cohen is a superlative poet and musician. I've loved his work since the early 1970s. Cold, but the way I like it. Take care and enjoy your presentation...hehehe. Mine will probably be early next semester.

Cheers,

Christine

basah

Tamu kuyup semalam
yang datang di lebat hujan
kuberi makan,persalinan
dan tilam untuk bermalam.

Bila reda hujan
dia menghilang.
Ditinggalkannya padaku
sebilah belati
tercacak pada hati

-Hashim Yaacob-

blue & fresh

I am sitting in my room and looking outside through the window. What do I see? and what can I see? hmmm..yes, two municipal workers fix the street. I saw a white car parked exactly right in front of the restaurant (well, I do live in the restaurant). and the blue sky. green trees. with fresh air blows straight away to my face. yup, and that songs. the songs that I will never forget.

thanks chrsitine

Dear Shah,

Don't go crazy. Relax and enjoy. After all, film is such a fascinating medium and there are reels to explore. I hope you have friends in Melbourne, to share all the wonderful things. Making friends is so important. I'm scared too. Writing a novel seems such a mammoth task, especially when theories must be explored. Sometimes I'm paralysed, then the only thing is to begin somewhere, and from small beginnings bigger things grow, and step by step the project takes shape. Molly is great. We had a super walk today. I studied the clouds, billowing anvils of surly cumuli nimbus against patches of blue; each mass was outlined from behind with brilliant silver -- anime sky. Molly was so happy to run and swim in the creek. The air was fresh but not cold.

Take care, Christine

from christine

Dear Shah,

Thank you so much for the card. The picture is appropriate and represents the fear and thrill of jumping into the water (feminine) at the start of creative exploration.

Here is the title of a super book on your topic. I read it at the start of the year: "Melodrama and Meaning: history, culture, and the films of Douglas Sirk" by Barbara Klinger (1994). John McConchie showed us one of his melodramas in CINEMA AND FANTASY and we analysed his appeal. Sirk is kinda the father of Hollywood melodrama, but if you want another take on the subject, I adore the work of the Spanish director Pedro Almodovar. His films are very risky, but if you do not understand metaphor and representation as argument, you may be shocked. But some are beautiful compositions. My favourites are "Talk to Her" and his most recent "Volver" with Penelope Cruz. "All About My Mother" is wonderful and moving. In fact one of his films is on this Wednesday night on SBS. I think it is "Bad Education."

I must go and get some work done. It has been a full day. I saw Nick this morning about my proposal and range of reading. Then this afternoon I went to a professional development class on the Literary Review. However, English Thesis do not place such an emphasis on the literary review -- more on the exegesis to the creative product. Sorry the magpies do not sing for you. Molly had fun chasing the galahs today, even 'though it was raining. Yoyo tried to get into the bed last night. He must have been cold. Merry is well. The hair has grown back on his ears. They were patchy because of an allergy to summer grasses. In fact everyone is fine. I have a new computer with a large flat monitor, so I can see better. Sam has taken my old one. I expect we will not see as much of him now he can play his favourite game (Sim City) at home. (His laptop was not powerful enough or compatible or something).

Anyway, keep in touch.

Cheers,Christine

The word I hate most..

I think it has been a while for me not to update anything in my blogs due to my 'heavy duty' task at the moment. This task is certainly driving me mad sometimes. Perhaps, I shall stop to do my routine job next time and focus to something else which is more fun and probably reduce my stress. I talked to my mentor yesterday about what I have been doing in my research and suprisingly she even suggested many new ideas for me to think about. However, those suggestions will need me to refashioning my topics and again I have to read, read and read..argghh....this is the most thing I hate in this world but I do not have any much choices. So, I have to take this as part of my habits. Okay, stop talking this issues and lets start with another stories.

I watched Les Choristes (2004) a few weeks ago. It is a story about two middle-aged men, the renowned French conductor Pierre Morhange and an old friend, Pépinot, reminisce about their days at a boarding school for boys. For me this is a very good movie to watch. It shall make you smile in the beginning and cry at the end of the story. The main character, a music teacher Clément Mathieu really enlightened my soul about the sacrifiying of being the sincere educator. Meanwhile, in the next two days, all schools in Malaysia will celebrate Teachers Day. I still remember my previous school life in Kota Tinggi Johor. The most day which I shall not forget. Everyday I have to wake up about 6 am early in the morning to get prepared for school and everything. By 6:30, I have to walk about 2km before I reach the school with 30 cent (you know, duit belanja) for food during recess.

The class and the teacher, well..more affective rather than what our school kids have nowadays. Being a country school kids, as I was, I would never ever believe that myself shall be admitted to the prestige local university one day. I did not study very hard in the primary school and as a result my major exam was not tremendously went very well. For me, life is simple and we do not have to attempt for everything. When I was in secondary school, a few teachers of mine encouraged me and other students in my class to change our life as poor, hopeless country kids and become more passionate about knowledge and being useful humankind in the future. One of them whispered to me and said "life is a challenge and it is depend on you to make them good or bad".

I would like to thanks all the teachers who had responsibled to show me the right path and changed my life. I knew life is not easy as we might think but challenge is fun, really...for all my teachers out there..there is no much words to say here..thank you..so very much.

a tale from christine

Dear Shah,

Good to hear from you. Your worries about theory mirror mine. I realise my old favourites from last year will not support my interests this year. I have been reading the work of Japanese writer Murakami -- literature for me this time around rather than anime, so as close as I could come to the hyperreal style -- and decided that I need to know more about "simulacrum." So I am about to start researching Jean Baudrillard, to see if he will be of any use to my understanding of the way the world turns.

Sam has just arrived and gone off with Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" to see what he thinks of the novel. I did miss you at the graduation ceremony. Your name was in the program as having completed the MA, with Nicholas Berry-Smith's and Alex Vickery-Howe who graduated in creative arts (drama) and whom I have known since he was about 4 years old, as I taught some years with his mother. Strange the way the world turns. I have some spare copies if you would like me to send them. Maybe your parents wouldlike one.

I emailed Cole. He is very busy but invites me to drop around sometime. I can't see it happening soon as I am so rarely at Sturt. If I hear anything about the short films etc for 2007, I'll let you know. I must remember to ask about them when the time comes. I went to listen to Taikoz, a Japanese style drumming company, at the Festival Theatre on Thursday. The treat was a present from my sister. It was a joyous and cathartic experience generating much positive energy.

Molly and Frisky are fine. We will walk them when Val gets back from squash. Yoyo had fun climbing trees this morning, with Boo the cat from next door. Merry is asleep inside. He spends the night on patrol in the garden and is worn out with his vigilance. He says, with distain, that play is only for the young ones (Yoyo). Miaow.

How is Nora? I hope that she has settled happily into her new routine. And I hope it rains soon -- pelts. The soil is very dry.

Take care,

Christine

you wanna drink or sumthin?

I thought I wanna write this blogs last night but I was exhausted pertaining to what I have done with reading and litt review lately - kick ass! It was killin me...why there are so many bloody theories in this fuckin world? People live happily and so what they come out with theory..people died and dying in the battle...and hey, I have another theory to say here! My goodness! Fortunately, I dun live with this and that theory or I shall become lunatic!

allrighty...I spent my time like an hour or something in the library yesterday purposely just trying to figure out which books and journals should I read. For that matter, me, walking around on and off from one to another bookshelves hardly trying to make sure I got everything I want. It was not simple as I might think actually. Besides, everybody were staring at me and whispered each other who is this idiot anyway? fuckin hell!

Fortunately, everything was done earlier and I quickly stepped out from the library without using an escalator (Would you believe that? This library has an escalator!) and I barely even thought about it as I want to read everything as soon as I can. Then I ran back to my office and get my ass back on workin space, but this friendly Trent was asking me to join him and other guys for a drink. "Heya, Shah! How you doin mate? you wanna beer or somethin? lets join us for a talk!"

hmmm....not bad, hey! But I dun drink...my father would kick my ass if he knew it. "Dun worry , you can have soft drink if you wont have beer"..ok then..."Why you dun drink Shah? Is that because of religious matter? Why all people in this world will stop saying ahh..you cannot do this and that...blah blah blah..."..opss..please..not another stupid theory...you guys supposed to know why I dun drink...pfftt...I kinda hate it...

katakan padaku

katakan padaku
sejak puisi mengalir
sejak langit meratap
mengapa air mata ku
terasa baru bagai embun, terasa baru?

burung rembang membuka sayap
daun-daun menjadi lebih redup
aku lewat lagi berdayung di depanmu
kau siap lagi berdiri di tebing

semua pepohon menjadi sepohon di sampingmu
semua detik menjadi sedetik di matamu
sungai ini pun terasa betapa gemuruh
menyambut semarak api di bahumu

katakan padaku
sejak malam menjelma
sejak maut menyentuh
mengapa sepi jiwamu
terasa baru bagai pedihku terasa baru?

- ditulis oleh Latiff Mohidin dan dinyanyikan oleh Ahmad Ramli-

I would love to dedicate this songs to anyone out there who knows how to sing it..enjoy...

e-mail from christine

Dear Shah,

Today is a glorious sunny day and the temperaturehas upped to 30 degrees. We've had a good Easter Break sofar. We had friends for dinner on Friday and my familyyesterday. I had forgotten what it is like to be on my feetall day COOKING and serving food, but the result was worthit -- appreciated. No eggs this year (the boys have grown up) except thereal variety from our chooks, but my sister brought somewonderful chocolates from the chocolate shop at Balhannah.Yoyo and Merry had extra milk and a bite from Friday's lamb.

Frisky and Molly had the bones from the roast on both days,an extra walk from Sam on Friday, and three rounds of theoval with Val and I yesterday. Mind you Molly is alreadypestering for her walk today. I, too, am going to some short courses beginning thisweek with Endnote. However, no doubt I'll get confusedbecause English still uses footnotes. Later in the semesterthere is other stuff on Thesis writing and preparation.Every little insight into the formal process helps. I'm getting stuck into Japanese contemporary novels, asthese will form the jumping off point for my study.

The reading is fascinating -- yes even the theory. At the momentall things Japanese are grist for the mill with me. I emailed the Big Man, but I have no reply as yet. Nodoubt he is up to his ears (busy) with teaching and his ownMA work. I must go and do some more reading now. I've just begunHaruki Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of theWorld." It's intriguing and challenging stuff. Take care.

Cheers,

Christine

pergi ke state library

Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah keluar ke bandar untuk pergi ke State Library...kali ni aku kena hantar release form kat Anthony sebelum Helen kata kat aku "shah, you are bloody jerk"...ceh..macam laa aku ni bodoh sangat...sekali aku tempeleng kang hilang segala ilmu di dada..wakakakakaka...apa kabar erwan ya? bukan ke semalam dia pergi mengadap dewa?

harmony day

03-25-2006 at 09:12 PM

Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah bangun hari ni sebab nak pergi tengok tarian poco-poco sempena Harmony Day hari ni..Mula-mula aku ingat tak nak pergi tapi disebabkan si zura dan kak za pon dah ajak, dan kerja aku pn dah ok, aku pon pergi laa ke Warraparingga park tu untuk menonton persembahan pelbagai etnik..Tapi yang peliknya hari ni punya laa ramai warga Uzbekistan yang dah migrated ke Australia nih..Datuk Bandar yang seksi tu pun siap promote lagi suruh mana-mana insan terpilih yang rasa-rasa nak jadik warga Australia tu pergi memohon ke jabatan yang berkenaan..tapi seronok laa jugak sebab dapat bergaul dengan budak-budak dan golongan veteran...mula-mula aku ingatkan dah pergi salah tempat sebab yang ada cuma itik dan angsa, rupa-rupanya tak mula lagi..ceh!!

jom bangun pagi

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Kali ini aku memang mengaku sukar betul untuk bangkit awal pagi. Pelik betul anak-anak mat salleh ni. Mereka amat punctual dan datang tepat pada masanya. Nasib baik aku tak datang begitu lewat. Lagi pun bukannya banyak perkara yang boleh aku lakukan. Semua post dah dipenuhi. Teruk si Eliza ni. Sepatutnya bagi laa aku join lebih siket. Tapi nak buat macam mana dah pengalaman aku dalam bidang ni terhad. Kalau aku tahu dahulu dah lama aku buat bidang dokumentari masa kat UM dulu.

Aku terima e-mail dari Erwan pagi ni. Marah betul bunyinya. Pagi-pagi lagi aku dah jadik orang gila dok senyum sorang-sorang. Memang skeptikal betul mamat ni. Perangai dia lebih kurang sama macam Ahmad Najahalhayyi. Alahai Erwan jangan laa dok gelabah sangat. Baru kena ketuk siket dah terkezut. Tapi takpe aku akan tetap backing kau punya laa walau apa pun terjadi. Yang penting next time jangan nervous sangat.

Jumaat ni kami akan ke Melbourne dan Sydney. Kali ini mereka betul-betul nak guna Great Ocean Road. Aku dah browsed website pasal bende tu tadi. Memang mengagumkan. Kami akan bertolak selepas solat Isya' dan terus ke Mount Baker. Aku harap sangat kami akan dapat penginapan yang selesa di Sydney. Kalau di Melbourne takde laa bimbang sangat sebab boleh tidur kat rumah Abang Amir dan kak Ida. Apa pun selamat berjalan.

Suasana di flat cukup sepi. Tidak wujud suasana hiruk pikuk seperti di Kuala Lumpur. Hampir lima bulan aku di bumi asing. Semuanya tidak sama seperti di tanah tumpah darah sendiri. Semuanya bermula dengan tawaran yang kuterima kira-kira lapan bulan yang lalu. Sengaja tidak kuberitahu pada sesiapa kecuali keluarga dan teman rapatku Ika. Sehinggakan Erwan terasa berkecil hati dan tidak mahu menegurku hampir dua minggu jika aku tidak silap. Ah, maaf getusku.

Semua ini hadir tanpa ku duga. Satu peluang yang memang aku tunggu-tunggu sejak dahulu. Aku harus menerimanya tanpa berbelah bahagi. Cuma cabaran getir dan liku-liku yang mungkin menunggu selama aku dua tahun tercampak di bumi asing ini.Deruan angin cukup kuat dan dingin. Kesejukan yang biasanya memaksa aku mengenakan pakaian yang cukup tebal. Ku hidupkan pemanas agar kedinginan itu segera hilang. Fikiranku menerawang sebentar. Tugasan yang diberikan oleh pensyarah hampir selesai. Cuma beberapa perkara lagi yang perlu diambil kira seperti pemurnian ayat dan lukisan kasar untuk jalan cerita. Semuanya terlalu baru untukku. Aku hadir di sini dengan satu misi. Misi yang penuh dengan harapan agar aku dapat membawa pulang sesuatu yang baru dan dijadikan kekuatan bagi generasi masa hadapan.